“WOW! That seems really superficial.”

“WOW! That seems really superficial.”

That was the response I got the first time I told my partner that my primary love languages were gifts and quality time.

His were touch and words of affirmation.

And I admit, his reaction stung.

I wasn’t being superficial. I just loved getting gifts. Tokens. They didn’t have to be BIG or expensive. Just gifts.

And over the years, he’s learnt to understand me better, and even seems to enjoy indulging me with gifts:

  • silly socks
  • souvenirs when he travels apart from me
  • arty jewelry
  • heartfelt love notes
  • flowers!

And I’m happy.

How did I explain it? I said, “I love having pieces of your heart and mind with me when you are not here, that I can look at or touch that remind me of you. And I love knowing that each gift represents a moment when we were not together that you saw something and thought of me.”

And just the other day, I was sitting and thinking. I was actually totally drained. Emotionally and physically. I could barely move. I was stressed AF. I wanted to cry, but I was too tired. He was not with me, and I was glad, because I would have been shitty company.

But I saw a note that he wrote me a few months ago that I keep on my lap desk.

Just sitting there, like it does every day.

And I smiled.

A real smile. And my burden lightened. Not all of it, but just enough that I could take a deep breath and fill myself with something other than moping.

And I realized that gifts represent something to me. Including gifts I have given to myself over the years that were totally impractical, but ways to tell me I appreciate me and I am loved.

Gifts are items in my life that are INTENTIONAL. It’s not a checkmark on the grocery list, or a “we need toilet paper” or “all my socks have holes” item. It’s something that has been chosen and picked out FOR SOMEONE (me, in this case) with care and love.

Gifts feel good to me, mentally and physically. I like having them around me, with me, next to me and where I can see them or use them. I am writing this with a beautiful bouquet of flowers next to me, and I can smell the blossoms, and just that makes me smile.

I don’t look for gifts to add to my financial assets, but to remind me of the riches of love I have in my life.

What are your thoughts?

Is gifts one of your primary love languages? If so, how would you describe what gifts mean to you?

If not, have you ever thought that maybe gifts as a love language seemed kinda selfish or superficial? Or something else entirely?

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