A few months back, I wrote You’re Making Dominance HARDER For Yourself, You Know…, and I asserted in that piece that dominance is natural and it’s easy.
@PlayfulMr commented, saying:
You’re right, dominance is natural. But would anyone really be able to say it’s easy? In my experience, it’s always much harder to be in charge than it is to not be…you know planning and thinking and such.
I responded off-the-cuff:
It’s much easier to be in charge in my relationships than it would be to submit.
It’s much easier to take 100% responsibility than it would be to give others that role.
It’s much easier to communicate what and how I see fit, than it would be to fit myself to another’s choices.
So, yes, to me dominance is easy.
I also popped it into my calendar (for today!) to think it over, and possibly write a bit more on the topic.
What I’m saying is: when we do what we love and what comes naturally to us, it’s going to be easier than when we go against our natures, or learn things that are not already a part of who we are.
Is dominance always easy?
No. There are parts of taking responsibility that I have not only had to learn, but have had to fail at over and over.
It’s also not simple. There are parts of my dominance (I can’t and won’t speak to others’ experiences) that are incredibly complicated, and take time to work through in my head.
(See thoughts on Simple or Easy? Complex or Complicated? here.)
And sometimes it hurts my overworked brain, LOL!
But that’s all of life to me.
You know what’s hard to me?
Submission.
I tell people that I have a HUGE respect for submissives, because I tried that shit, and I couldn’t do it.
I was pretty good at faking it.
But I stank to high heaven at really being submissive. It’s just not in me.
MAYBE I could learn. If I wanted to.
I don’t.
But to those whose core is submission? THAT’s what’s easy for them. And trying to be dominant is not. It’s a chore. Something they have to do, maybe in their work life or whatever.
But they can relax when they get to just be who they are.
And it’s easy.
Is it always easy? Nope.
Is it simple? Not necessarily. Complexity seems to invade everything we do in life.
You’ve heard “The right relationship is easy,” right?
To me, that just means that you are in a relationship that allows you to be your natural self, in alignment with what you value and allows the level of growth and challenge you prefer (within approved variables).
It doesn’t mean it’s easy ALL THE TIME.
It doesn’t mean it’s simple.
It doesn’t mean it won’t get or be complicated.
It doesn’t mean you don’t have to work at it.
It just means that as far as life goes, it’s easier than the alternatives and the other relationships (or lack thereof) you have to compare it against.
And when you feel it—in relationships, work, new hobbies, whatever—it all makes sense.
Until then, it’s just us being human and making things harder than they have to be.
