In one of my recent writings, there was a discussion about catcalling. I totally get that it freaks some people out. It’s non-consensual, and so I’m generally (mostly mildly) against it because I live my life trying to adhere to 100% consent in as many ways as possible, sexual and non-sexual.
I’ve just always had a different take on it.
That is informed by my own view of toxic forms of masculinity *(note: this is a clarification from toxic masculinity, which @ahplanez pointed out here seems more ambiguous a term) and non-toxic forms of masculinity.
I don’t actually see catcalling as men thinking they can force their way into my life, or that they have a sense of entitlement.
I actually see it in most cases as people being exceedingly brave and taking a chance of being rejected, in order to get noticed.
And so, I smile, and say “Thank you,” and I move on.
Because simply getting up the courage is not enough, but it’s also not nothing.
Now, that’s me. That’s my perspective.
If someone asked me, “Should I catcall?” I’d give other options and mention that it makes many people uncomfortable. I’d suggest that there are better forms of communication that may not put people on the defensive, or frighten them, if they’ve experienced trauma.
I might point them to my post about compliments, especially the part about not expecting ANYTHING in return.
I will also be honest that I don’t personally mind, and that I am in the minority, and that it can also be taken too far and that you never know where another person’ line of “too far” is.
Because I don’t have to have an extreme position for or against.
Holding Open Doors
It’s a joke around me that if men (people who identify as men) are around me, they are the ones who know how doors work.
Is it sexist? Yeah. Totally. And it’s consensual sexism play.
When I approach a door, I step aside and wait for it to be opened. If that doesn’t happen soon enough (and this is sometimes part of the game), I scrunch up my face, and mime studying the door intently, as if I don’t know how it works.
I also give my girlfriends (who consent to the game) rations of shit when they open their own doors when there are willing men around to do so.
And, when I’m around on my own, I’ll open or hold the door for anyone, regardless of gender.
is good for a giggle.
Anyway, I assume people holding doors for me are being nice. Just like I do for them.
Not that they don’t respect me, or that they are doing it to get in my pants. It takes a micromillisquidgeon more than that.
“Because INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY!” As An Argument
Yes, I believe internalized misogyny is a thing. As is internalized misandry. And self-loathing.
However, I don’t EVER believe those things are ANYONE’s right to diagnose, unasked. ESPECIALLY in internet discourse.
In fact, I can think of few things more insulting.
And perhaps that’s the point.
But really. How would this feel:
- “You’re just gay because you were raised by parents who wanted a girl.”
- “You’re just mad about racism because you’re brainwashed.”
- “You just like big trucks/guns/whatever because you have a tiny dick.”
And so on.
And, Finally, Unsolicited Dick Pics
I get it. As someone said in a recent conversation (this time about a gaping butthole picture sent unsolicited):
Honestly I think that the thought process for some folks goes like this:
I, man, would like random boobs in my DM’s. Makes me smile every time.
This thing makes me happy and turned on. Surely it must do the same for others.
Easy to understand.
And in some cases, it’s probably some sort of freak-out test, “Will she go ballistic over a bit of magnificent meat?”
Ah, wait, never mind.
I got nothing for this.
There is zero excuse. Anyone over the age of anything should know that sending explicit photos without getting consent is wrong.
And the same for sharing photos of another person without their consent.
Here’s a bit of funny to brighten your day.