Effective communication depends on a shared body of knowledge between the persons communicating. In using words, sounds, and gestures, the speaker has deliberately thrown away a huge body of information, though it remains implied. This shared context is called exformation. source

In other words, exformation is the assumed knowledge and shared understanding that is not explicitly spoken in communication.

So, for example, when I say to my Pet, “ruined,” or text him, “#ruined,” there is a history of our conversations around that topic, from the very first evening nearly 4 1/2 years ago, when one of his best friends was listening to him gush about me, and told him, “You are so ruined.”

So, exformation is necessary for those in jokes and couple concepts.

(Which, interestingly enough is a huge point of pain when a breakup happen, because you lose the other half of your stored memories and understanding of many words and ideas, but that’s another writing…)

Yesterday, I wrote a piece totally off the cuff, not from my calendar of topics that could not have illustrated exformation better, because it relates to love.

People are arguing the definition of love based on their personal assumed knowledge and shared understandings…

But that’s the kicker, innit?

SHARED understanding trip us up pretty freaking often.

Because they are assumed, but not necessarily shared.

And when tit come to love, that’s a tar pit of assumptions.

For me, it’s a word, a concept, a feeling.

For others, it’s a commitment, pain, a lifestyle, marriage… and more.

And so we disagree and misunderstand, even more so when people refuse other’s right to their own exformation.

So, how about the geek in you and the geek in my get together for some wild times, strip out of our assumptions, and show each other our exformation?