Let’s Debate: “If you are experienced, you don’t need a safeword. They are for beginners.”

Let’s Debate: “If you are experienced, you don’t need a safeword. They are for beginners.”

I saw this on a post on FB. It generated some really strong opinions, and I thought it would be interesting to post this here as well.

My position is that I don’t have a safeword. Neither does my Pet. We never have with each other, and I never have with anyone else, either.

We also don’t use the word “No” to mean anything but no.

We use our words together. Which makes any word that we use safe as needed.

When I play with others, I always ask for their safeword. Many don’t have them, or they choose traffic lights instead.

Which is a kind of safeword.

It’s incredibly rare that I play casually.

When I do, it’s always carefully negotiated. Many people don’t have specific safewords.

And that’s ok.

As long as they are able to communicate in an effective way what is and is not working for them.

I don’t see this as a matter of experienced or not.

But of personal preference in how you communicate.

Some will have a personal safeword. Like “Rumplestilskin.”

Many local events have event or venue safewords, like, “asparagus.”

Some prefer the stoplight colors of green, yellow, red. In fact some have added other colors as well to that for more explanation. I’ve seen purple, for one, but I won’t remember where, or what it meant. (Does anyone have a source for this?)

And some use their words in the normal way, because they do not use “no” for fun or “stop” in play. Which is why safewords were created.

Anyway, that’s my position.

What do you think?

  • Is a safe word necessary, in your relationships and play?
  • Do you use a specific word or traffic signals?
  • Do you believe that using English words (versus using a code word or words) is inherently wrong or unsafe?
  • Do you believe that safewords are inherently for experienced or inexperienced players?
  • Does it matter if you do pickup play or not?

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