BUT…which this is true, it misses the important stuff.
Boundaries are not as much for everyone else as for YOU.
Because when you realize that your boundaries are yours, it doesn’t matter if narcissists won’t respect them. You do.
They only have to disregard your boundaries ONCE, and if you cut them off, you don’t ever learn if they are a narcissist or just a run-of-the-mill douchenozzle.
Because you’re not around to experience more.
Another way of looking at it is that most people (yes, even narcissists, sociopaths, and consent violators) will cross boundaries one small step at a time, feeling you out for “victim” potential.
If they get push back and they are stopped, they will usually move on to easier prey.
In fact, I just had a conversation about this this weekend. I was talking with a friend about a mutual acquaintance of ours, and some accusations against them.
She said, “Well, I can’t imagine…”
And I said, “That’s the point, thought, isn’t it? Abusers and predators don’t show that side of them to everyone, or everyone would know. They only behave that way with the people they think they can get away with it with.”
I’m not saying having strong boundaries and maintaining them will stop someone determined to assault or violate consent, or whatever.
I’m saying it will stop the many slightly-lesser monsters that we run into on a daily basis, and prevent them from infiltrating our lives.
What are your thoughts?
Do you have strong boundaries? Do you let people push and walk over your boundaries? Have you been in a relationship with a narcissist or an abuser?
And for others, when you do hold strong to your boundaries, what changes? How has that skill improved your life?