In my book Dating Kinky: Find the kinky partner of your fantasies, I have a chapter titled, Statistics And Charts For The Geek In You in the section Why Is It So Hard To Find A _?

(https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Kinky-Find-Fantasies-Presents/dp/B08HR75L51)

And the simple answer is that it’s not hard to find a . It’s hard to find a that you are compatible with.

Let’s talk a bit about dating and love, because kinky or not, most people have the challenge of trying to really connect with people beyond the basics.

Part of it is how society and the internet work today.

A lot of us didn’t grow up online, and it’s not natural to us to interact that way and really understand each other through that medium.

Then, there are the usual challenges of just finding people we like. People we vibe with. Connect with. Laugh with. Feel good around.

Add onto those challenges any specific things that might narrow the potential pool for date-mates:

• Your crazy travel schedule taking your prize-winning hedgehog to shows.
• An unstable sister who has a knack for showing up unannounced in the middle of you most ‘delicate’ moments.
• Your odd diet of foods that begin with letters from your name and sunshine on your butthole.
• Living in a teeny-tiny town an hour away from everywhere.
• A consuming passion for bird-watching.
• Your Olympic dreams and training schedule.
• Your “type.”

And, of course, kink.

So, it’s like trying to find that vanilla love (which is a multi-billion dollar industry) and on top of that, adding in the extra desires (needs) of kink and it’s 31 (31,000?) flavors.

It’s pretty daunting.

BUT, it’s possible.

Someone once said on a writing of mine:

Kink is important to me. In that room of 100 men, I don’t like my odds of finding someone I connect well with (who is also kinky).

So I hang out with kinky folks.

In a room with 100 kinky men, my odds of finding someone I connect well with (who is also kinky) are much better!

And this is really the rub.

I tell people all the time: put yourself in as many places where kinky people hang out as possible.

FetLife is one space, obviously.

Facebook groups, discord servers, telegram chats, kik groups—especially local ones.

Find that room of 100 (or 1000) kinky folk, and put yourself into it.

And then, make those connections.

Good luck!

smiles

What are your thoughts?

Are you partnered? Perhaps in multiples? If you are willing to share how you met your partner(s), please do.

Are you single? Looking? What are your biggest challenges in connecting in kink?