I spent a few hours on the Clubhouse app the other day.
I realized I’d installed it over a year back, and just never really took that step. But I tried it out, and now, it’s sort of a guilty pleasure.
A deep dive into the human psyche, raw and unfiltered.
And it’s glorious.
Sort of a more interesting version (to me, anyway) of Maury Povich and Geraldo Rivera. People battling out their ideas, live and real time in audio format, where they are both trying to make a name for themselves and also feel mostly anonymous.
And I joined a room in one of the singles groups (with nearly 20k members), titled “Should a man love a woman more?” And I listened.
The cis-het-single folk ARE NOT OK.
This is what I heard…A man should love a woman more, because:
- If he does not, he will cheat.
- If he does not, she will cheat.
- If he does not, he will take her for granted.
- If he does not, he will treat her badly.
- If he does not, she will be left with a baby and all the responsibilities.
- If he does not, her love will get too clingy.
- If he does not, as her looks change, he will leave her.
- If he does, he will be busy trying to make her happy, and not getting into trouble.
A woman should love a man more, because:
- If she does not, she will cheat.
- If she does not, he will cheat.
- If she does not, she will try to lead the relationship, and everyone “knows” women cannot lead.
- If she does not, he will not feel appreciated (and therefore he will cheat).
- If she does not, she will think he is weak.
- If she does not, she will tire easily of his constant need for attention and approval.
- If she does, she will lose her sense of self, and become clingy and dependent.
- If she does, she gives her “all.”
Someone quoted this:
“Marry a man who loves you more than you love him. A woman will always give more than is what is necessary to her lover. It is ingrained into her, like maternity. But even when a man loves you more, he will still only be able to meet you halfway.”
Someone came back with this:
“I read that women can only love a man for what he can provide her and her children, due to biological reasons.”
Ummm. Oh. Wow.
I’m not sure I have ever really been as deep in the trenches of the men versus women war as I was on this day.
And the people saying these things were saying them in all earnestness. Arguing with each other, and putting down entire genders to make their points.
Pssst. I think I know why they are single.
I did chime in.
I feel like we can never know what is in another’s mind. That how deeply we love is not measurable. That we can really only measure actions and behaviors.
That all of us humans who feel romantic love want (from the deepest depths of our being) someone we can love more than we have ever loved before, knowing—KNOWING—that they deserve all of what we have to give and more.
Because they also love us in the ways that fill us up.
There was a pause.
The host of the room sort of laughed. Took a deep breath. Made light of the idea that anyone could feel that way, and dismissed it as “too deep for the conversation,” then steered everything back to men vs. women.
And the fighting started up again.
I listened to men and women put each other down for over an hour before I tuned out.
Single men and single women.
Hating on the gender they said they wanted to love them.
I’ll say it again: The cis-het-single folk ARE NOT OK.
What are your thoughts?
Should a man love a woman more? Should a woman love a man more?
Would any relationship (by it’s very nature) thrive if one partner of either gender loves the other more?
Do you have personal experience to share related to any of this?