It’s one of the first pieces of advice I give people new to the world of kink.

Make friends.

Don’t just come into kink like a starving person at an all-you-can-eat fantasy buffet, sampling a bit of this and a taste of that (or hoping to).

Take time to connect with people who aren’t what you’re looking for, sexually or romantically.

Connect with people like you.

Connect with people unlike you.

Make friends.

Because when you only focus your search on finding “the one,” or even “the many” to have sexy times and love/relationships with, you are missing a huge part of the experiences, and quite possibly running direct into trouble.

I liken connecting in kink to connecting in business.

You want friends.

You want mentors.

You want people on your side.

You want people who know people.

You want people who can put in a good word.

You want people who can step in when you’re about to REALLY FUCK UP, who will say, “Are you sure you want to do that?”

And you want people who will be there when you do it anyway, to help you pull yourself to gather and pick up the pieces.

And I’m sure you have friends.

Vanilla friends, work friends, heck, even close family.

Kink friends, though, are different. They “get” you. You can talk with them about things that the rest of the people in your life may never fully understand.

And that matters.

A LOT.

It may not seem like it, but it does.

So, find your (kinky) tribe, and love them hard, even as you look for your kinky partner(s) to love and play and sex hard.