Boundaries are sexy AF: Time Boundaries

November 1, 2021

Welcome to installment number five in my series about boundaries. The six primary types of boundaries are:

Physical Boundaries
Intellectual Boundaries
Emotional Boundaries
Sexual Boundaries
Material Boundaries
Time Boundaries

For far, I’ve covered material, sexual, physical, and emotional boundaries. Today, I’m focusing in on Time Boundaries: Use of Time.

Which can be a huge stumbling block when not discussed. And it’s often not discussed. Of all the boundaries, I think the last two, time and intellectual, are the least often discussed and communicated specifically.

Which is a shame, since time boundaries literally touch on every aspect of a relationship.

For example, when you have a partner (or several), how do you balance the time you spend with them with your friends, your hobbies, and the life you lead outside of having that partner? How might that change as you move in together or choose to deepen your relationship?

Boundary violations occur when a person or entity (I’m looking at you, workspace!) demands too much or more than their share of a person’s time. Also, you can violate your own time boundaries by pushing past your limits for social activities, one-on-one connections, and even in time you spend alone.

Do you often feel you don’t have enough time?
Do you often feel like you have too much time and not enough stuff to fill it?
How do you protect your time boundaries?
What do you spend time on that fills you up?
Do you enjoy “wasting” time?
When are you willing to prioritize work over your personal life?
When are you willing to prioritize your personal life over work?
What goals take priority over your time?
What things do you waste time on?
How do you spend time to recover and relax?
How much intentional time do you spend with friends? (This can be good to measure out, and plan for, to see how it fills up your days/weeks/months.)
How much intentional time do you spend with partners (or would you like to spend with partners)?
How much time do you need/want alone?
What happens when your time is not balanced?
Do you use calendars to organize your time?
Do you use to do lists?
Do you leave time in your days for spontaneity, or do you plan things out as much as possible?
Which days are your most productive?
What are your most productive hours of the day?
How do you let people know when you are not to be disturbed? For business reasons or for personal?
How do you handle complex tasks over time?
Do you prioritize your time over the time needs of others? How? When? What are the exceptions?
How would time priorities and needs change if you were to make __ decision? Are you ready for it?
Are you able to say “No” to time requests that will overburden you?
Are you able to say “No” EASILY to time requests that will overburden you?
Do you demand time from others?

These are a place to start with yourself, and with others in conversation or negotiation as you build relationships.

Many of them focus on getting clear about where to take responsibility so you can manage and prioritize your time without getting overwhelmed, and to note where you might be carrying the burden of others’ time needs for which you aren’t responsible.

The last writing focusing specifically on type of boundaries will be on the topic of Intellectual Boundaries.