Do you want your friends and partners to lie to you?
Some years ago, I wrote a piece titled, “Ask your friends when they want you to lie to them,” about how we often edit ourselves, or “little white lie” when people might prefer the truth.
Today, I’m turning it around.
When people lie, sometimes they are doing so because of something about them. They feel insecure or they are trying to get away with something.
Other times, it’s about you.
And it’s not really your fault. No matter what you do, people COULD tell you the truth. And sometimes people lie to you because you’re so amazing. (Duh.)
Sometimes, though, it’s because you make it so much harder for them to tell you the truth.
So, do you want people in your life to lie to you? If so, when?
If you said, “No,” are you sure you want the truth? Do you reward the truth when you get it?
Let’s look at this with a few examples:
Do you want to know when your partner finds someone else sexy?
And not just when you are in a good mood, or it’s a super model that , “Well, duh,” but that girl from your office that you hate, or that guy that you feel intimidated by who’s such a jerkwad?
Or, do you see them look, and slap them on the arm, to bring their attention back to you? Or do you tell them to stop looking? Or do you ask them whether they think __ is sexy, and expect them to tell you “No,” or that you are FAR sexier?
Do you want to know when your partner thinks you are being an asshole? Or a bee-yatch?
When they tell you, do you blow up at them? Or do you thank them, and ask for more details?
Do you want them to tell you the truth about those expensive new jeans you bought and love?
Or do you want them to tell you that you look good even if they are not flattering?
Do you anger easily, when you hear things you don’t want to hear?
That will almost certainly train many people in your life to avoid those topics at all costs, including lying to you.
Are you easily disappointed when people fail to meet your high expectations of them?
Sometimes, when you spend a lot of time building people up in their minds and to them, you forget to leave them room to be human with faults.
And so they lie to you so they don’t have to feel the weight of your disappointment.
Do you have a lot of power over others?
Especially in power exchange relationships, if that power is not tempered with good communication, people will lie to avoid punishment or as I noted above—disappointment, even dismissal.
Are you emotionally fragile?
When you are already in a bad place, and you make it clear that certain things will hurt you even more, people may lie to avoid the pain of causing you additional distress.
Do you avoid the truth or tell white lies?
When you model this behavior to your friends and loved ones, then they will pick up the clue that you believe there are certain truths that should be avoided.
Of course this is not an exhaustive list.
It’s just some common examples I could think of off the top of my head. And examples that have been shared with me over the years in comments from people who justify their lying to loved ones.
What are your thoughts?
Do ever you want people in your life to lie to you? If so, when?
Have you ever caught yourself practicing any of these behaviors and possibly training your friends and loved ones that you are not safe to share the truth with?