Trust More, Not Less

Trust More, Not Less

You’ve been hurt.

So have I.

Quite a lot, actually.

I’ve been betrayed, lied to, put in danger, lost pretty much everything financially, been stolen from, and so much more.

And you probably have, too. If not, you probably will, to some extent as you move through your life.

Thing is, people will let you down.

You will be hurt again.

In fact, the more you trust and love and laugh and feel happy, the more you will likely be hurt in the future.

Because the more you love people, the more they can hurt you.

The more you trust people, the more they can hurt you.

Wait.

That actually sounds like good reason to trust no one and keep all humans at arm’s length, never getting close to or relying on anyone…

Right?

Nope.

People are going to disappoint you. That is life. There’s no way around it.

Counterintuitively, though, we’re actually more successful and more fulfilled in life and love when we trust and forgive others more.

Trust is a key foundation to any relationship. Relationships are a primary predictor of a happy life.

Without trust, you will not be happy, and you will make less money.

Yup.

Those who self report as being less trusting make less money overall than those who self report as being trusting of others.

The great news is, trusting others is a skill that can be strengthened and honed.

Will trusting keep us from harm?

Nope.

Can we expect perfection?

Nope again. After all, you’re not perfect (neither am I—no one is, AFAIK).

And frankly, when people seem perfect, we get suspicious.

About 5 positive interactions to every one negative interaction (edited to add clarity: within conflict or discussion) is a good base ratio for a happy life with someone, says John Gottman, relationship researcher.

Also: Thirteen positive interactions to every one negative actually makes you lose credibility. When things seems that good, people give side-eye. We all know no one is perfect. Seeming it is a bit of a red flag.

You can insist on perfection when you are perfect yourself (I won’t hold my breath).

Until then, realize that people will cause us all problems. They will give us grief.

They are also the biggest potential source of laughter, happiness, love and joy in our lives.

Five-to-one is a good ratio.

Trust more, not less.

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