I do not identify as “Domme” on Fet.
I don’t think it is a clear enough picture of who I am. I like so many different sub-classifications that I simply chose kinkster as my label.
As such, I get a lot of questions, and quite a few propositions. And when I turn them down, I often get a snide comment about my label.
Thing is, I’m not special.
This label yourself according to MY definition thing is crazy prevalent. All over the place. People are trying to police how others can identify through some sort of strange personal set of standards.
Kinkster, to me, mostly covers who I am:
- Dominant woman
- Sex fiend
- Curious (about damn near everything)
And yadda, yadda.
Yet, people write to me for THE SECKS, and when I turn them down, tell me I must not enjoy sex and must hate men.
Or ask me to top them, and when I say, “I am not a service top, I really only get pleasure from topping those I love, and frankly, I don’t know how to safely whip you,” tell me I’m not a kinkster.
And then there are those, who when see me bottoming for rope or fire or whatever, say things like, “I thought you were dominant.”
I say I love and prefer alpha submissives, and people go of on a rail about how alpha submissives is a label designed to make other submissives feel inferior for not being alpha… WTF? Seriously?
Why do you give a fuck what label I use?
- Does kinkster make me more or less something than you think I should be?
- Do you think that me saying I am dominant is an agreement to never enjoy getting my hair pulled during sex again?
- Does saying I love sex mean to you that I mus then have sex with every human that ever approaches me, ever, or I lose my “I <3 The Sex” card?
- Does saying I enjoy cuckolds mean that I don’t like other labels, or I think they are inferior?
Honestly, kinkster does not fully describe me.
If I had my druthers, I’d choose Epicurean.
It’s a philosophy of pleasure as the highest form of good. Hot as in hedonism, but in understanding that living moderately and choosing pleasures carefully is more important than excess and the harm that is cause to oneself and others as a result.
According to Epicurus, with whom a person eats is of greater importance than what is eaten. Unnecessary and, especially, artificially produced desires were to be suppressed.
I agree. Who one sexes with, tops with, bottoms with, cuckolds with, humiliates with, sillies with, dominates with explores with and introspects with is more important than the acts themselves.
But, as Epicurean was not available, I did as my dear friend Kiba says, and chose kinkster “because it was the closest thing to ‘yes’ in the drop-down menu.”
And still, I ask:
Why do you give a fuck what label I use? Or what label others use?
I’m curious. How do YOU see me (there are no wrong answers, just perceptions)? I’m open to all, positive and negative.
And how do you label yourself? And why?