Why Lying Is Submissive Behavior

Why Lying Is Submissive Behavior

Now, before you go all cray-cray on my ass, I am simply saying that lying is submissive behavior (versus dominant behavior), not that submissives lie.

Or, put another way:

In my view, you cannot be a Dominant and a liar.


Because when you lie, you are telling the world, “I do not have the confidence in myself to live life on my terms and with my truth.”

Instead, you are saying, “To get what I want, I have to trick others by manipulating their reality.”

Does this include lying by omission?

Yes! IF…

The lie is one you KNOW could lead to strife. Or that you even think could lead to train. Because then, avoiding the subject it NOT taking the world on your terms, it’s HIDING something.

It’s impossible to tell everyone everything. There are not enough hours in the day. That’s not the kind of lie of omission I’m talking about. Of course not.

It’s when you actively avoid telling someone something that might upset them.


Not wanting to upset someone.

So, you’re saying that you don’t feel like you have the chops to communicate it effectively and get us through whatever…

I don’t have the energy to fight.

Same as above.

If I told the truth, he/she wouldn’t let me, or would do something to make me feel bad if I did.

So, you admit that you are allowing yourself to be manipulated and are not standing up for your rights and needs.

If I said the truth, he/she might not date me.

So, you think that YOU are not good enough as you are, you need to lie to make yourself look better. Oh, and you’re willing to trade long-term gain and happiness (relationship built on truth) for short-term benefits (sex until he/she uncovers the lie).

I said ____ to get ____.

Similar to above, but with anything. You are saying that if you don’t lie, you don’t believe you can get what you want.

I said I’m this kind of person, when I’m really TRYING to be that kind of person.

You’re deluding yourself about who you are and your priorities in life.

See what I mean?

So, this is why I say lying is submissive behavior. I also say NO ONE never lies. We all do. However, the frequencies, the reasons, the effects and how we handle them, those all add up to the person we are.

And, just as submissives exhibit dominant behaviors sometimes (with children, for example), dominants exhibit submissive behaviors, too (with parents and bosses).

It doesn’t instantly invalidate your Dom card. However, like rust, it erodes away not just how you are perceived as a Dominant and human being, but also how you feel about you.

Because when you lie, you are not just telling the world all those things. You are telling yourself.

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