Sounds cynical, right?
I don’t feel like it is, though.
We all do whatever we do because we get something from it. The question is: What do you provide that people want?
If it’s money or help in things, rather than making them feel good about themselves, well, you now know why they want to be with you.
And this is fair.
After all, many people have figured out that if they spend money on others they will get more attention than they would otherwise.
But SOME people get that attention (and beyond) without spending money? How?
- Well, maybe they are hot, like smokin’ hot. And the people they are with put value on that.
- Maybe they are amazing listeners, and the people that love them value that.
- Perhaps they are thoughtful, and they make the people with them feel fucking amazing about themselves, and those people value that aspect.
- Maybe they are insightful, and help people understand themselves and the world better, and that means a lot to them.
- Hell, maybe they are a brilliant rope top and people flock to them from all over to be tied up expertly for flying/floaty/sub-spaceyness.
Some people maybe all of those things. Most are not, but they are still valued and sought out and desired.
And THEY don’t have to spend money to get attention.
Or whatever it is YOU give away to get that attention, that closeness, that friendship.
Or whatever you trade for what you want and need, but maybe think there could/should be more.
I promise you.
So, if you feel like you are constantly trading pieces of yourself or your bank account or whatever in exchange for their time/attention/friendship…well, you’re not trapped. You could look for other benefits to spending time with you, and work on those.
I mean, a lot of people don’t want to put time and effort into the more amorphous benefits of self-improvement, or don’t want to spend time and attention on others in exchange for time and attention.
And that’s OK. That’s a decision that enables many forms of financial domination (across ALL genders, I might add).
But you have to have something to trade.
Something that people want.
And that’s just the way life is.
Like I said, some might think that’s a cynical way of looking at the world. I don’t. In fact, I find it incredibly empowering.
I can choose to find what I offer, develop and grow what I offer, and attract the persons or people that offer what I value purposefully, because I know how this works.
That feels good to me.