A switch friend of mine who was in his first relationship as a dominant and was having some challenges navigating plaintive asked me, “Well, what is being a Dom, anyway?”

And my answer was both flippant and 100% true. I said:

Being a dominant is being the one to start the important conversations, even when they are going to suck.

And I pretty much live by this.

If I fail at everything else in my relationship, I will always make sure that I am direct, honest, and I make space for the people I relationship with to be the same.

I make room and start the conversations.

Whether they are uncomfortable or happy conversations. Whether they will require work or tears, or sometimes money and other dear resources.

And I’m not saying ONLY dominants can do this or that it’s the ONLY responsibility of a dominant.

I am saying that in my mind, as the dominant in a relationship, it is my responsibility to make sure this happens.

Often.

Even when it’s going to suck.

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree that one of a dominant’s responsibilities is to start the important conversations, even when they are going to suck?

If not, why not? If yes, have you experienced this as a dominant or as a submissive? How did it work out?