On FetLife, I have chosen the role of “kinkster” as my very own, despite that I live my life as a dominant woman.
The reason for that label, as the very-dear-to-me -Kiba- says, “It’s the closest thing to ‘yes’ I could find in the drop-down menu.
I am an experiential person.
I learn best through experiences. I love trying new things. I enjoy diving deep into things and exploring what they mean and how they work.
I like processing new thoughts, feeling new sensations, Trying new ideas.
Now, I am not as gung-ho as some, mostly because I am an introvert, and I tend to take a lot of time to build a connection with people. And many experiences, especially in this lifestyle, require other people.
Some might say I’ve chosen the wrong lifestyle, then, me being someone who spent most of her life avoiding needing other people for things.
But I didn’t choose the wrong lifestyle. Nor did I choose the wrong label.
Kinkster is just right for me, instead of dominant, because I enjoy trying new things without a label pinning me down.
Because I want it.
There was this one time a dominant woman walked up to me as I had ropes trailing off my body, and with a sneer on her face, said, “You’re getting tied up? I thought you were a dominant.”
My response was, “Yup, and I enjoy rope, too.”
I enjoyed the experience.
And I want experiences like this.
But experiences are just experiences to me. They are fun, like a roller coaster or a road trip. They create the highlight reel of my life.
My dominance is another matter.
Because I need it.
I cannot not want to be dominant in my relationships. I have been for as long as I can remember.
I have not always succeeded. I’ve failed more often than not, actually. I gave in “for love” too many times, before I realized that by doing so, I was letting myself and my lovers down.
Dominance is who I am.
I love to run things. I’m naturally bossy. I work at making things right and better. I want to help people improve in life and love. I care about the people around me. I have the mind for it.
And I need it.
I crave it.
I want nothing more than to see the eyes of another suddenly go soft and yielding to me.
It is my catnip. My heroin. My drug of choice.
It is a sip of life. Of passion. of desire.
It is what drives my love.
There, I said it. In an intimate relationship, the trust and yielding from another is what keeps my love flowing. That desire to please fans my flames. That need to grow together and make more of US than of you and me is what gets me wet, makes me pants, and satisfies that deep soul hunger.
And that is why I choose “kinkster” as my role.
Because I want experiences.
Because I need to be dominant.