I’ve had my share of break ups. They pretty much always suck.
The ones that suck the most, though, are the ones where I still LOVE my partner. Love them, and heck, even still like them.
Those suck big pustulent donkey balls.
And if that’s not clear enough… they are the worst breakups.
For me, anyway.
So, why would I recommend them over the easier breakups of waiting until you hate someone, then leaving them in a burning garbage fire wreckage?
Because I’m a sadist?
No, no I’m not. LOL!
It’s actually because as fucking painful as it is to leave someone you still love dearly, it’s better for you, in the long run.
Let’s look at a few benefits:
- You don’t stick around, wringing yourself dry trying to make something work when it just won’t. You leave with yourself intact, and hopefully, they do the same.
- You don’t spend time working against your partner, either up to the breakup or after, because you still like them, and you want the best for them. That saves a TON of energy and sanity.
- It’s easier to be friends after, or at least be civil. That’s easier on your shared friends, events you both might attend, and so on. Less drama for others to spectate or referee.
- During the break up process—and yes, I see it as a process—it’s easier to be loving and compassionate, and to invoke those feelings in return.
On the other hand, you could wait until you hate them, and breaking up is easy.
You could wait until you reach the “Fuck It” stage…
…And burn the fields, the houses, and every goddamned bridge with your flamethrower of scorned righteousness, leaving a trail of bodies and husks behind you, as you draw others into your drama, and leave them behind in the wreckage.
I’m not gonna lie and say that isn’t satisfying.
At least, in the same way that taking my monthly blood rage out on a hapless customer service agent reading a script might be satisfying.
At the time.
But that inevitably leads you to (or at least it leads me to):
- Being a person you don’t like very much.
- Doing things you regret.
- Saying things that aren’t 100% true.
- Alienating friends with your vitriol and rage.
- OR… attracting people who love that drama, and bring and encourage even more.
The thing is, breaking up at any time hurts. It is, after all, acknowledging that the potential you fell in love with isn’t there or isn’t right anymore.
But dragging it out, or ignoring your relationship issues until they fester and turn gangrenous, and need to be cut (or burnt with a flamethrower) out… is far, far worse.
Now, I’m not recommending that you break up. Unless you need to. And if you do, well, do it before you dislike your partner enough to make it easy.
Perhaps it’ll save you some grief.