I’m Not Patient. I’m Curious.

I’m Not Patient. I’m Curious.


I talk to a lot of people. I answer every message I get. I meet newbies for lunch or tea or dinner or whatever, and I answer their questions.

I also take on some long conversations, trying to get a point across or correct an assumption. I share some of these here on Fet, and often I get the response:

“You are more patient than I am.”

In fact, I heard that quite a bit in my inbox and by friends in offline situations about my recent writing about compromise.

The problem is that those who say that are wrong. I’m not patient at all. I’m curious.

When someone says:

“Do you want the truth or do you want me to simply boost your ego?”

I’m curious what they have to say that they believe is “truthful” that will not boost my ego (implying that it will even damage my ego, perhaps).

When a person sends me this:

“If you arent willing to drive 2 hours why should I drive over a hour to meet you, truthfully you should want me to save my energy for sex.”

I am curious as to why they think they are entitled to my time at all.

When someone casually asserts:

“Women don’t want sex as much as men.”

I really really want to unpack that belief and figure out where it’s coming from and how it affects their life and behaviors.

Yes, I know all of these messages are red flags in most books, and that many people would just let the messages die a natural death from lack of attention. I don’t.

Because I’m curious, not patient.

One definition of the word patience is:

the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I don’t get angry or upset because it’s not delay (I really HATE delay—being late, for example, is a HUGE pet peeve), trouble (really? How much trouble can an internet message or meeting someone for tea BE?), or suffering (again, with the internet/tea scenario).

I have a minuscule tolerance for actual delay, trouble and suffering, especially my own.

There is a reason identify as a dominant. Being in charge easily affords me the opportunity to minimize such things in my life.

And to pursue my curiosities, of course.

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Before I had a lot of friends, I had fewer than five friends, four in different cities. And none were as close as I have

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