Two days ago, Wandarella commented on my No Regrets writing, and said:
I would pity someone that never felt deeply enough to experience regret.
I replied: I feel exactly the opposite. I feel so deeply, therefore I do not regret.
For me, it is worth regretting only if I do not invest to the deepest level I can (for that relationship) and experience it as fully as possible. And because I do that, I know that things never end because I did not invest or try hard enough, or whatever, so there is nothing for me to regret.
Thank you for posting this POV. It may have unlocked the key for something else I have been wanting to write about.
Over the past few months, I have heard the same story from many mouths, dominant and submissive:
Dom and sub meet. Horrible, wonderful, kinky, painful, crazy things happen. Sex is amazing. The pain and depth is great. There has never been a more perfectly suited kinky couple.
Then, they fall in love and something happens.
The play gets softer. Sweeter. Less… fulfilling in the kinky way.
The sub doesn’t understand what’s wrong. Maybe they begin to act out a bit.
The dominant knows something is wrong, but figures it for entirely the wrong thing, and gets softer, sweeter. Tries to use love and reason to smooth the way. Feels less dominant, more loving.
The sub loves all the love, but something is missing. Where is the sterness? Being held responsible for their behavior? Where are the rules and the beatings and the freaky, kinky sex? These are the hings that really made them feel not only loved, but “gotten,” that someone understood their deepest, darkest, neediest bits.
And so they act out.
And so on…
I have spoken to doms who have had this happen in relationship after relationship. I have spoken with subs who are going through the pain and feelings of personal rejection. I have seen this is various stages online, through posts in groups and forums.
So, I know it happens.
I just don’t really understand it. I’m pretty much the opposite.
My play with people I don’t know is very rare. I play deeper and harder the more I get to know a person.
The more I value and love someone, the more likely I am to dive into the dark recesses of their mind, and want to touch, tickle and tantalize.
And this brings me back to the exchange I had with Wandarella.
I am willing to take MORE risks and play harder BECAUSE I feel more deeply. Because with deep emotion, and knowing someone better, I feel more loving and intimate. Because I know more about what makes them tick, and I can play deeper in their brain.
I also know if something goes wrong, that our bond is stronger, and more able to handle the breach, and to help with quick healing.
And, and this is the part I think others might take away:
Because the more I love them, the more I love ALL of them. And one of the reasons is because of their needs that fit so perfectly with my own.
I need to own them, heart, mind, body and soul. I need to toy with them, torture them (in the sweetest ways imaginable), I need their yielding, their deep desire for what I can provide.
So, I nurture it, grow it, take them deeper, look for more ways to play inside those dark recesses.
Because I love them.
And because they need to be loved in exactly that way.
So, while I understand those who love and who don’t want to hurt the object of their love and affection, I suggest that the way to hurt them MOST is to turn your back on who they are, and what they need to feel whole.
And I will never regret that.