Learning to love the process…

Learning to love the process…

My FetLife profile personal section begins:

I like ’em BIG! Big brains are a MUST. Big heart is important as well. I love big dogs (RIP). A big personality is a check for me and you. Big hopes, dreams and goals… I know I have them.

And I love something else big: my wins.

I’ve always been this way. In fact, a quote of mine that I live by is:

Win, or fail spectacularly.

In other words, put everything in. If you lose, it won’t be because you didn’t really commit. And if you lose, you will probably lose in a big way, because that’s the only way to make winning a possibility.

And I stand by this.

But wins aren’t always big. Sometimes they are small. Tiny. Minuscule, even.

Learn to love those wins, and I believe you will unlock everything that life has to offer.

A decade-plus ago, three words came into my life in the same 6-month time frame. I’m kinda dense, but even I had to realize that the world was telling me something (or for the skeptic geeks out there, that my RAS, reticular activation system, was noticing something).

kaizen: improvement in small increments over time
CANI: constant and never-ending improvement
bù bù gāo shēng: to climb step by step, to rise steadily

A focus on the journey and how each step plays a part and shapes the path, rather than on just the destination.

It was just the right time for me. My life had changed totally, and I wanted to build a new life that had more of what I wanted and less (A LOT less) of what I had just left.

It’s not easy to celebrate taking a step when you have already taken a similar step before, possibly thousands of times.

I have struggled with this, over and over. And every time I learn, I find a new journey with new steps that are just as hard to appreciate in their tiny little advances as the very first one was.

Since that time, I’ve created a life I couldn’t have even imagined then. Taking small steps every day towards what I want.

Here are a few things I’ve improved through this philosophy:

  • My dominance. Small adjustments and consistency over time has made far more of an impact than any big change or exotic action.
  • My love. Not just the love I receive from others, but my capacity to love and to accept that love, in it’s myriad forms.
  • My writing (and thinking). I tend to think as I write, and I’ve committed over the years to write more and more. I now write every weekday. I may or may not post every day, but I do write.
  • Helping others. I’ve made a point to do something uplifting for someone (or a lot of someones) every single day.
  • My tribe. I’ve gathered to me the most amazing circle of friends anyone could ask for. By focusing on the little things, being there, and thinking of them, I’ve got people who are always there for me, cherish the little things, and who show me that they care and they think of me, too.
  • Dating Kinky. Frankly, I dove into the deep end of the pool, with this project, and I’m learning as I go. I see it as a 4-year university program, LOL! I’ll graduate soon, and I love what we’ve done so far!

I am still learning how to be more patient, how to count every little win, every step as success and forward progress.

To love the process of improvement in the way I hope to love the improvement itself, whenever it arrives.

To put everything into winning, even one step at a time, or to fail spectacularly.

What are your thoughts?

What are YOU willing to commit to winning through a dozen or a million small steps, whatever it takes?

And a bonus question: Can I and/or Dating Kinky help you? If yes, how?


More Posts

Please stop spreading this.

Let me be clear, I’ve agreed with this in my past. Hell, I’ve even said it, smugly, and defended it. But the last few years,

One Response

  1. I’ve definitely committed to re-learning and taking several small steps and one huge leap to be where I am but for the most part right now, especially after covid and nothing really being open for over a year, is that I’m not really ready nor have the desire to really go to any functions. Maybe a munch or two because yes I miss being social with other kinksters in person but I don’t ‘miss going to parties right now. Well if you know anyone that is a single parent and how to balance time a bit better that’d be fantastic. By the time I mean finding the time for kink.

    Maybe trauma and kink? mental health during the past year to now has been not very fun. I know that some of my past Trauma is also part of why I’m not quickly jumping back out into parties because of a few things that happened and the thoughts of where do I fit in happen a lot.

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