Recently someone I’ve been loosely connected with online for half a decade sent me a pretty scathing private comment.
And it felt…wrong. Like out of left field, but also unwarranted.
So different from what I usually expect from them that I went back over our previous conversations to make sure I didn’t have identities mixed up.
Sure enough, same person.
And I read through those previous chats, because I wanted to know if any hint of that was there before, and I just didn’t see.
I didn’t see anything that would have pointed to this blast, but I did find this gem from a few years back:
On my mind… Right now, it is getting my current project ready for launch and planning marketing, while simultaneously considering “How do I do the most good or the least harm in the world of kink?”
Which made me pause.
And I thought about who I was then to say that and who I am today to try my best to live that.
And over the years in our conversations a few more questions:
How do I lead by example to people I’ve never met?
How did I get such big balls that I feel I should be leading by example to anyone?
Is it possible to educate more people, or will there always be so many filtering in, that I’ll never even keep pace?
And back to:
What can I do to be the change I’d like to see, and to show it in a way that is accessible to others?
I’m asking myself these questions right now. The answers aren’t really coming to me in words I can express. But I feel good about my path since originally asking them during our time of connection, and I can feel good that there was value in the choices I have made, possibly as a result of asking those questions to begin with.
It doesn’t feel good to get ugly messages from someone who has been a positive influence, no matter how casual.
But it does feel good (at least to me) to see the good that came of that link we made online.
What are your thoughts?
Has someone in your life ever had an outsized effect on you, despite there being no real relationship or closeness?
Have you ever felt hurt or disappointed by someone like that?
Did you take time to reflect on the good, or throw it all out as tainted?