It’s an easy trap to fall into.
I caught myself thinking it this morning. It was about someone who mentioned offhand that they were on 213 Discord servers, and nearly made my head explode.
And in my mind, I thought (in no particular order):
- “That’s not possible.”
- “They must not have a job.”
- “They must not have a life, if they do have a job.”
- “I know they’re also on Fet and FB and Twitter and IG, too. They can’t possibly keep up with all that.”
- “What’s wrong with them?”
- “Maybe that is their job.”
- “No wonder they can’t find a date.”
And then, most importantly, I thought, “They are not me. They do not have my life or my limitations, or my preferences. They might be able to manage that just fine, and as long as they are happy, it’s none of my business.”
And so, this writing.
We get so caught up in what’s possible for us, we forget that what is possible for us is not always for someone else. Or that what is impossible for is might be others.
Yeah, we know it.
Because if I say to you, I can’t run 7 minute mile, you’ll probably be like, “That’s cool. Why do you think I give a f*ck?”
And that’s totally fair.
However, when it comes to other things, we tend to think that what we have worked hard to learn is not just right and possible for us, but for everyone, and people who do it differently are totally sus.
Like someone on 213 Discord servers.
Or people who are monogamous, to those who are nonmonogamous. I mean, don’t they GET it? Maybe they don’t, maybe they do. None of our business. Their responsibility to find what works best or is possible for them.
And many monogamous folk think the lives non monogamous people live are not real, must be unhappy, full of drama—you name it—because, well, they don’t think it’s possible to like happily nonmono. Because they think it is not for them. Or that they wouldn’t find partners into it, or whatever.
Same for those who are not kinky. Or those who are asexual. Or those who into unusual things.
Well, it isn’t. Until it is. Like the four minute mile.
I am far from quiet when it come to my opinions. I shout them to the world (quite literally). And I’m pretty clear about what is possible for me, and what I have seen to work more often than not for people in the areas of love, sex, romance, kink, and dating.
There are exceptions. Always.
- The snotty controlling asshole dom sometimes gets the sub.
- The awkward approach is sometimes endearing.
- Putting sex or fetish first in connecting sometimes gets the sex or fetish.
I like to say, “possible, not probable.”
Long story short:
I will share with you what I think works best and what doesn’t, or what I have found is possible and what is probable.
I will listen to what you have found works, and what is possible for you.
I won’t tell you what to do. I won’t tell you what is possible for you (although I will be clear if my experience shows it’s improbable).
I won’t let you tell me what to do or what is possible for me, either.
I also won’t be joining 213 Discord servers. Yikes! smiles
What are your thoughts?
What is something that works for you that many people might think is wrong?
What (if anything) have you discovered about someone else (or a group) that you thought was wrong, but then found out that it worked for them?