I’m a bit of a weirdo. I know this. But sometimes, it’s more obvious than others. Including in conversations about relationships.
Because I do relationships backwards.
Or maybe not backwards. But kattywampus. Or curiously.
Here are a few things that sometimes surprise people:
👉 I don’t compromise. To me, compromise is a curse word. I prefer to collaborate.
👉 I never “white lie.” Ever. Not to save feelings, never. Instead, I always look to tell the truth in the most compassionate (and truthful) way possible.
👉 I don’t tell my partner what to do—even as a dominant. I ask. I request. I negotiate. (Yes, it is still taken as me telling, but I always acknowledge the humanity of another person, and their autonomy.) This also means I don’t nag.
It can feel a bit awkward and vulnerable to admit that there are things you don’t do—especially when they are considered absolutely required by many (especially in kink or power exchange relationships).
I believe in following my intuition and going with what feels right to me. And ultimately in doing what works.
If something isn’t working for me, it doesn’t matter what “everyone” does, or what the experts say is right. I don’t do it. Period.
And I know I’m not the only one.
Although sometimes when there is an internet pile-up, it feels like it.
What don’t YOU do in relationships?
Is there anything in a relationship that people seem to think is necessary and normal that you just don’t? Are you willing to share?
What about a partner? Has a current or past lover ever not done something in a relationship that surprised you, and maybe changed how you do things?