I said a few days ago in a writing, “Your experience is pretty much what you make of it, when it comes to women.”
Let me clarify. I said what I said because I was replying to a man specifically speaking to the women’s experience on Tinder. Otherwise, I would be far more likely to say:
“Your experience is pretty much what you make of it, when it comes to people.”
And I believe this, because over a decade ago, I was incredibly lonely, had few friends, had recently left an emotionally abusive relationship with a mentally unstable addict, and decided to change myself, in the hopes it would change my world.
And it did.
But in order to make that happen, I had to decide that it was ME who needed to change.
Not the rest of the world.
I am the only constant in my life. I am the one who will always be there for me. I am the one responsible for how I engage with the world.
And as I chose to change, the world became a new place.
- Where people seemed odd and distant to me before, they now seem open and warm and friendly.
- Where friendship seemed like a complex series of puzzles to figure out, it now feels easy and intuitive.
- Where strangers and intimates alike seemed shallow and a bit dull before, they are now deep and multifaceted and brilliant.
- Where culture and society looked strange and odd in their quirks…well, actually that hasn’t changed, LOL! But now I find it endlessly curious and entertaining, rather than fearsome and tiring to try to keep up with.
NONE of that could have happened if I had not chosen to change.
If I had not been humble enough—and driven enough—to accept that only could I change, but that years had gone by when I did not change, and I had made the errors, missed the opportunities, and lacked the connections because of ME.
And that’s a hard pill to swallow. My “red pill,” if you will.
And yet, it was either accept that I had been wrong and make the changes so that moving forward I could enjoy the fruits of being right, or stay comfortable in my bubble of self-righteousness and fear and disdain and loneliness.
The paraphrase the Chinese proverb, the best time to make a change was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.