Poly Is Not Just “Yes!” (Poly Is Not, Part XVI)

Poly Is Not Just “Yes!” (Poly Is Not, Part XVI)

Polyamory Is Not... A Series

So many see polyamory as saying “Yes!” to more people, more sex, more dates, more playtime.

And it is.

But it’s not JUST saying yes.

Because every yes is also a no.

When I say “Yes,” to a new partner, I’m potentially saying “No,” to the following:

  • My alone time.
  • My time with friends.
  • My time with existing partners.

And so on.

Which is not a BAD thing, in itself. Because sometimes it’s worth it to choose one person over another, to explore new potential connections over existing ones.

Sometimes it’s not.

Which is where the term “polysaturated” comes into play. Totally committed. No room for another, no matter how much I want to try, because those I already care about need what I have, and more importantly, I need it, too.

From and with them.

Polyamory can be a challenge.

When I’m planning travel or fun or business commitments, I weight those decisions against the people in my life that I already enjoy connections to.

I think on the things I do for them that make them happy, and those they do for me that fulfill me and bring me joy. These are some of the things I say no to when I add another partner, travel a lot on business, work 18 hour days and more.

Not just because of the actual time spent on each other those things, but because of the mental load added outside of those hours in thinking about, planning, and preparing for them.

It’s also saying no to: watching more Netflix, Facebook time, iPhone games/time wasters… things I’m often quite happy to say no to.

If I think about it.

And that’s what polyamory means. When we say yes to more people, more activities, and more… more…

We CHOOSE what to say no to that does not add enough value to our lives.

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