I Hurt You BECAUSE I Love You.

I Hurt You BECAUSE I Love You.

This writing is now available as a podcast episode!


Because you want it.

Need it.

Crave it.

Not because I am a sadist (I’m not).

In fact, aside from the joy we share when we play spanky, floggy, whippy games together, I could spend my whole life not hitting anyone.

And be happy.

However, because I love you, your happiness contributes to mine.

Your needs are important to me.

What you crave matters.

So I will hurt you.

Because that is your happy place. Your floaty place. Your catharsis place. Your dancing-among-the stars-as-they-whirl-around-you place. Your expiation place. Your after-it’s-all-done-I’m-peacefully-centered place.

And I will join you there, in that place.

As you sometimes join me in my geeky place as I try to work out a complex UI. As you traipse from antique shop to antique shop, with me in my hunting-for-that-thing-I’ll-know-it-when-I-see-it place. As you go rollerskating with me in my nostalgia place. As you bring me flowers and romance me, court me and pamper me in my I-need-to-feel-your-adoration place.

I’ve heard, “I can’t beat so-and-so like I used to. I love them too much.”

I just can’t comprehend.

I don’t beat anyone I don’t love, at least a little. I don’t hit someone to see that look of taking it, holding on, handling it, and suffering unless I adore them. I don’t beat anyone hard, until they weep and cry and break down for me unless I am deeply, wonderfully, crazily in love with them.

Because it’s not about me. It’s about you. It’s about us.

I hurt you because I love you.

And if you want to just cuddle, I’ll do that, too.

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