This is a parody written of another post for fun, but yeah (nodding), I mean it.

Original Post: http://www.snopes.com/language/document/liferule.asp

Rule No. 1: Love is not fair. Get used to it. No one is going to be 100% in all areas. That is life. There will be inequality. Most of the time it will even out when you look at everything that is done by both parties in the relationship. Sometimes it won’t, especially when one persona is going through a life change (think pregnancy or layoffs).

When it comes right down to it, giving to the person you love should come naturally, without consideration if it is fair or not. Love is NOT a tit-for-tat business deal.

Rule No. 2: Your potential lover won’t care as much about your self-esteem as much as your mom does. Romantic love is not unconditional. Your lover will expect you to accomplish something before they love you. This sounds like the opposite of rule number one, but it’s not.

It’s great to tell mom all that you have done in your life, to boast and brag like the child that you are to her. Your lover or potential lover wants to see results. What does this mean to them? A good lover will be supportive and caring, but will make you earn your place by their side.

Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won’t live happily ever after like they do in the movies/romance novels . And you won’t always get them back by holding a mobile phone with attached speakers above your head playing sappy songs on their lawn. You may even have to compromise, negotiate and communicate a little bit.

Rule No. 4: If you think dating is tough, wait ’til you’re married. Now you’re in for life and everything that annoyed you then will annoy you for the next 50 years. Talk about adding pressure!

Before hopping into a marriage, make sure that you communication skills are in shape, and that you are both willing to compromise on day-to-day stuff. If you’re already married, realize that you can’t control another person. What bothers you about your lover? Is there a creative solution that you haven’t yet thought of?

Rule No. 5: Dancing classes/punk shows/romantic gestures/hockey games are not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for these things. They called it opportunity.

Why do so many men of the older generation know how to dance? Because they knew that would get them the girls! When it comes right down to it, learning to like the things your partner likes gives you more time to spend together. It’s more time for Love to grow and more opportunity to get in some nookie. Not a bad thing, really.

Rule No. 6: It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. It doesn’t matter if they fought, were cold and distant, or too overprotective. If you think you are mature enough to share your life with another human being (even just dating), then you are mature enough to take responsibility for your actions.

ALL of your actions.

There is a codicil to this rule as well:

Rule No. 6a: It’s not your ex’s fault. EVERYTHING you do in a relationship is YOUR choice. If he was a bum, it was YOUR choice to support him. If she was manipulative, it was YOUR choice to give in. Man Up (or Woman Up)! Not only do both men and women love people who take responsibility (yes, it’s a total aphrodisiac), but it’s so much easier to get on with your life when you look at everything as your mistake, learn from it, and forgive yourself for it.

Waiting for an apology from either your parents or ex for screwing up every future relationship you might have MAY happen, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how great you are. They dated, they fell in love. They had heartbreak and angst and possibly even wild sex in public places (I know, ewww, but still), just like you. They are what they are. Look to see what they do right and what they do wrong and learn from it. Don’t settle into their pattern without thinking or do just the total opposite. Find the way that is right for you.

Rule No. 8: Your therapist may have done away with winners and losers. Love hasn’t. You either do what is right and/or important to you, or you do what works for your lover and your relationship. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)

Rule No. 9: Love is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off like school. It’s not even about going to work every weekday for eight hours and “putting in your time.” Love doesn’t come around every 10 weeks. True love is rare, and is a full-time life calling, not a job, not school. It takes all you have to give, and will give you everything in return.

The good news is that also unlike school or work, Love is interested in fostering your self-expression and helping you find yourself. It often leads to self-realization, personal growth and immense satisfaction.

Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your relationship problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to compromise and change plans to make things work.

Your girl/boyfriends will not all be model/actor types. Titties will not be permanently perky, Guts not 8-pack ripped. Teeth not brilliant white. It’s real love, real life. You’re not perfect, ad neither are they off-camera, even if they do model/act.

Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. They have a lot of love to give, a way with words (not to mention numbers, cha-ching, LOL!), and a willingness to please. ‘Nuff said.

Rule No. 12: Playing around does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you’re out cruising, watch a 50-year-old trying to hit on a 20-something. That’s where you’ll be if you never learn to be genuine. Ditto for “overachieving” with overtly sexy clothing (read desperate slut) or stupid pick-up games (read desperate sleaze). Be genuine, be yourself, look for real connection.

Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously have not visited much with lonely older people. Just for kicks, try searching online dating sites for people 20-30 years older than you. Why are they there? They were once your age, and didn’t take advantage of all that life had to offer, either. Do they look (if they are brave enough to post a picture) and sound desperate? You bet they do. Loneliness sucks.

Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure relationships can be a pain, compromise is a bother, and life spent married is depressing. But someday you’ll realize how wonderful it is to love someone (if you don’t already). Maybe you should start now. You’re welcome.