One of my readers who has become an online friend wrote to me looking for advice on a situation, and could I please recommend any links or writings that could apply.
I could not think of anything written specifically to address what she went through, and frankly, I wanted to write as soon as possible, because, well, she was hurting. It was evident.
Having been through no few issues and challenges myself, and having wanted to write something in response to some of the things that have been happening in the local community, I just wrote from my heart:
- There will be times when this will fill your mind. You will go over it and over it again, like an endless vine. Sometimes this is needed for processing. And it’s OK.
- Life will continue, and it’s also OK to let yourself be sucked back into the daily act of living. This is how we heal. It does not make it mean less. It just means you are moving on.
- At random times through your life, you may get flashbacks. You may be working out, and it will run through your head, along with a half-dozen things you could have done differently. Let it happen. It can be overwhelming at first. Eventually, you’ll be able to continue what you’re doing, and allow it to play out.
- Scening again (having sex again, trusting again) can be hard and nerve-wracking but so fulfilling at the same time. You will feel proud once you get to a point where it’s simply pleasurable and not a source of anxiety.
- Your limits are yours. You have a right to draw them wherever you want to. You don’t owe anyone anything.
- You’re not damaged goods. It’s just something that happened to you. Everyone has problems and bad experiences.
- Chances are that a friend or family member will doubt your feelings, think you’re exaggerating, or say you brought it upon yourself for some reason. Some will say you’re being dramatic. Those are the people you don’t need in your life. You need friends who will support you.
Most of these people ^^^ do that because they are afraid. Afraid they might get blamed. Afraid they failed you. Afraid that if they admit it happened to you that it might happen to them, or that they might be responsible for speaking up, or having tough conversations with others. It’s not their fault they are cowards.
By speaking up, you have proven that you are resilient, strong, courageous, powerful, brave, and a fighter. Stick to what you know is true. Feel sorry for those who do not have the strength to see the world for what it truly is. Find other strong people to support you. Heal yourself and move forward in a better place.
And finally, this:
This is for ALL of you who stand up after trauma. You make the world better and give others hope.