Let’s talk a bit about white knighting and what it is.
White knighting has multiple definitions:
- Defending someone who does not wish to be defended.
- Rushing to the defense of a general group of people, usually in the hopes that that virtue signaling will gain social points or benefits
- People who defend or avenge another unasked, usually without knowing anything about the situation and/or without investigating the context.
And then there is this definition:
- When a male, preferably after sex, stands before a kneeling female, whom he preferably just had sex with, and cums on both of her shoulders before declaring her a “knight of the white table.” The more cum used, the better.
Which I include because it makes me giggle. It’s not gross. Just silly.
So let’s focus on those first three definitions.
Because I see them a lot.
Like A LOT A LOT.
And it’s both exasperating and frustrating.
First of all, a white knight is generally assuming that the person or people they are championing needs their help. Here’s an example from a recent comment:
“Generally I find submissives need a soul on the other end, intent on leading them out of the darkness when they get lost.”
“Please live to polish souls, and set them free from their shackles.”
This kind of language is not only trying to position the speaker as someone who will do “all the wonderful things,” unlike the bad people, but it is also “negging” submissives as being unable to improve themselves and as people who are shackled without the benevolent dominant to set them free.
Which smacks of the worst that Harlequin romance has to offer, without any of the good.
Second, even when confronted, most white knights will double-down, instead of backing off.
Because they are not there for those they claim to be saving. It’s an ego-booster and a peacock display.
“Look at me! I’m a good person, and I’m saying so by virtue signaling wherever I am, even in places I’m not wanted or invited!”
Moreover, often he people white knighting are doing so without an actual understanding of the situation.
- Misunderstand a post to be able to make their point. For example, a post about breath play being dangerous, and ideas on how to do it safely and with consent might get from a white knight:
“Oh! If only people these days REALLY knew what consent was. It’s so different from what I was taught, and not nearly as good. I know consent, the best consent.”
Sure, the word consent was used, which is what they seize on to boost them up onto their soapbox, but it’s not an article about consent in general, and the white knights attempt to derail the conversation because they need the attention of making their point.
- Misunderstand the people they are protecting. People who are perfectly happy with “consent these days,” but whom the white knight feels are not able to actually make that call for themselves.
- And in addition, they will go comment-to-comment, entering conversations they were not invited to or welcome in, trying to make their point. Usually because the way they can make that point is to ride someone else’s coattails and use someone else’s followers, since they can’t gather their own for some reason.
And here’s my problem with white knighting (as if all that wasn’t enough): sometimes it works.
Sometimes, it convinces an otherwise strong, capable, amazing person that their experience (which may be little or none) of the lifestyle is wrong or lacking, and that the white knight knows better than they do.
They fall for the false virtue-signaling.
And often find that those white knights are actually not nice people or good people.
In fact, to me, many of them stink of predatory behavior, even—although I’ll not generalize too much, because really, I only have my own experience and opinions. I’ve not studied them in any depth.
And yeah, people need to live and learn.
If I said otherwise, I’d be doing my own form of white knighting.
And I’ve let a few slide in my writings before. I think, moving forward, I’m cutting them off at the second strike.
Because it’s just gross.
I think that many of us have done this at some point or another if I’m understanding this term correctly from listening to your podcast of this. It sounds similar to people who do the same thing when gossiping. I’ll be honest it was so easy getting wrapped up in gossip at a club/venue, etc.
I’m guilty of getting wrapped up in the gossip and I think I white knighted but it wasn’t my intention to do so because I cared about both parties and I wasn’t out to get the other party or shame anyone or make myself big socially or in circles.