You don’t need a WHY.

You don’t need a WHY.

People talk about knowing your why like it’s this deep mystical thing that people MUST HAVE. Like it’s a higher plane of existence or an achievement level unlocked.

Bah.

If you have your why, great! It’s a wonderful thing to know, and it can often give you the boost you need to get things done, even when times are hard.

However, sometimes it’s the doing, not the believing or the thinking, or even the liking that makes things happen.

While behavior often depends on beliefs and feelings you generally don’t know you have, studies have shown that behavior SHAPES beliefs and feelings as much as the other way around.

So, fake it until you make it is just as valid a system as getting all Freudian up in your head.

AND, it has the added value of not wasting time, creating false markers for us to chew our existential cud over, and can be shaped (relatively) quickly and effectively through feedback loops.

For example if you don’t have a why, these things re also valid:

  • Why not?
  • I’m curious.
  • My friend is doing this…
  • I think I’d hate it, but it might be good for me.

Sure, some of those could be considered why’s, but they certainly are not YOUR WHY.

And that’s OK.

You may find your why along the way. Or not. But experiences matter, too, and enhance your journey.

I sometimes recommend masturbation to people. It has a lot of benefits.

I also suggest that they never overdo it, and never confuse it with sex with a partner.

I feel the same way about chasing your WHY (or worse, jacking off about others’ WHYs in your mind):

Enjoy it as a pastime, don’t overdo it, and don’t wait for it to magically appear in a shower of rainbows, glitter, and the semen of pegacorns before you do whatever it is that’s on your mind.

You have life to live and human connections to create.

(Note: a pegacorn is a classic pegasus (winged horse) with a horn, like a unicorn, and I loved them as a child. Pegacorn. There, now that’s a thing you know.)

More Posts

Connections

In kink, one of the things I preach, right up there with communication, is connection beyond the KINK (or the sex). Connection with other kinky

“Negative” emotions…

When we don’t follow our own rules, we give ourselves pain to get us back on track. Sometimes we blame that pain on others. Even

Happy National Anal Sex Day!

This holiday started off as a joke, and honestly not a very funny one. It was pretty much a man (comedian Jim Jefferies) complaining that

No, I Don’t Have Penis Envy

Someone told me that my “self-styled dominance” is simply penis envy. Let me state for the record: I don’t have penis envy. I have a

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Got Nuance?

This writing is now available as a podcast episode! YOU probably do. Most people do, at least a bit. What you often post probably doesn’t.

Read More »
X