Right here. *points*
You might want to get that looked at.
Right here. You see this right here? *points to the issue*
That’s it. That’s where your leak is. Can’t you feel it? It looks like it hurts.
No. No. There’s no leak there.
There really is. I can see it, and so can everyone else. They are walking way around it to avoid the fallout.
Are you SURE you don’t feel that? *looks unconvinced*
Nothing is leaking. I don’t feel a thing.
starts looking a bit concerned
Yes. I’m sure. Let’s get this patched up for you.
First, we have to figure out what this is all about.
What, exactly are you trying to say here in this sentence? *points to the comment on the screen*
Well, that I don’t like that thing.
I see. That’s totally valid. That’s not the issue, then.
We’ll have to look deeper. What about that thing don’t you like?
Oh. Now we’re getting somewhere. Unfair. Got it. What’s unfair about this thing?
Well, I can’t have it. And I want it. And other people seem to get it. And I can’t see why. And I deserve it.
Ahhh. I see the issue, now.
I like to use the analogy of leaking to poke fun at dominance and power and how easily they seem to be damaged by everyday things.
Like here, in Why I Don’t Give Blow Jobs – A Top Ten List.
Of course, some people are more, uh, thin-skinned than others.
And while many people are self-acknowledged as sensitive, I find that there are so very many more who project the exact opposite, while simultaneously leaking everywhere.
Like a freaking sprinkler system gone haywire.
And it’s evident to everyone else, because we’re getting wet. Or whatever wet would be if it were with power instead of water.
Because when you give your power away without realizing it—when you think you’re keeping it, or worse, making yourself powerful—it’s just like springing a leak. Or like your video-watching-gamer-nerd neighbor totally hijacking your WiFi, and using up your bandwidth.
And that’s no bueno.
And sometimes it’s totally hard to tell when you’re leaking. From the inside, anyway. Like when you use the word unfair to describe the world.
Sure, things are unfair.
And it’s right to point that out when you see it.
You’ll start leaking, though, when you start using ‘unfair’ as a regular excuse for acting in ways you know are unkind. Two wrongs don’t make a right, yannow?
When you allow the unfair behavior of others to change your personal standards of behavior…
…you’re leaking power.
There are a lot of ways to leak power, though. Usually, it’s giving people more power over you than you think.
- Allowing people to upset you or bait you.
- Deciding that others are better than you, so you won’t bother trying.
- Letting people tell you who you are.
- Accepting only part of what you need and deserve in a relationship.
Or more mundane actions:
- Apologizing for things that don’t matter (instead, try thanking people for accommodating you).
- Using the word “just” in relation to your feelings: “I’m just feeling…” versus “I’m feeling.”
- Using the word “but”: “I agree with you, but…” versus “I disagree in this way…”
- The word “only” as a modifier: “I’m only offering help…” versus “I’m offering help.”
- Using “actually” as a modifier: “I actually don’t like when…” versus “I don’t like when…”
And so on. We’re often trying to be polite, and that’s a good thing. Not at the expense of communication or leaking power.
Bitterness and resentment are HUGE warning signs that you’ve been giving away your power. They will usually point right to the problem spot(s), if you take some time to examine them. Like covert contracts.
On the other side of things, when you feel in-control of yourself, personally capable of making changes, and accountable for a situation that has previously stressed you, upset you, and made you feel bitter or resentful, you’ve probably patched your leak.
And that’s a good thing.
Note: Personal power matters even for submissives. To give an example: when giving your power to another, it’s ideal to have as much as possible of your own (which naturally varies human-to-human—this is not about competition, but personal health and awareness). It’s about consciously giving someone power over you, rather than leaking it out to dribble who knows where through what dirt.