Feelz on Either Side of the Slash

I read this quote in a group I participate in online:

I have topped & not felt the powerful emotion that I have experienced when submitting. maybe it is the trust and nurturing that a subby gives to and expects from (respectively) a top that encourages stronger feelings than the other way round when someone submits to you.

I’ll admit, I have a hard time getting around my horror at these words, finding the right words to say about it, while trying to understand that this person probably did not mean to suggest this was true for everyone (the general “you”).

This part is cool:

I have topped & not felt the powerful emotion that I have experienced when submitting.

Very specific and personal.

This part:

maybe it is the trust and nurturing that a subby gives to and expects from (respectively) a top that encourages stronger feelings than the other way round when someone submits to you.

Would be better written as:

maybe it is the trust and nurturing that I give to and expect from (respectively) a top that encourages stronger feelings than the other way round when someone submits to me.

Really, the wording, even in that version is not ideal, because of the mix of sub and top, versus sub and dominant or bottom and top, to keep them both on the same level.

I think it is very indicative of this person’s very real, personal bias.

This is not my reality. To me, submitting and dominating incur equal connection, equal emotions. Trust, and honor in that trust. Release and responsibility. Flip sides of the same coins. The value is the same, then faces are different.

I would guess that where you feel most comfortable (on which side of the slash) is where you will connect the best.

So, in conclusion, I realize that switching is not for everyone, and many people will prefer one over the other, feel more with just one. Let’s just not make generalizations about entire groups of people or scenarios based on our own personal preferences.

Oh, and to add a wrinkle to this, I found this snippet of an interview online:

“So, I ask madame, how can you tell who is really the submissive and who is really the dominant in any given relationship? appearances are so often deceptive. her answer cuts to the quick. ‘The one whose need is the greatest is the submissive.’”

Let’s Discuss!

What are your thoughts? Do you think that one side of the slash FEELS more? Or less? Or NEEDS more or less?