First, let me start off by saying that I know very well that most people think friendzoning is something that men bitch about. And they’re right. But not only men.

This is for all y’all who are friendzoned.

You’re all jackholes, and here’s why:

Friend Zone is victim mentality and entitlement bullshit. Seem contradictory to you? It is. That’s what makes you a twatwaffle.

You see, you can’t believe that you are entitled to someone sexy/goody/romantic bits and also spurn a true offer of friendship and still be a good person.

No.

You can’t.

Don’t even try to make excuses in your head. Just pay attention.

No matter what you do, you are NEVER entitled to ANYTHING from anyone. And if you like a person enough to want the nude-parts-slapping times, then you got nothing to complain about when they like you back, just without the bumping-uglies bit.

Oh, and this:

“I’m gonna be extra nice to this person… I’mma be their shoulder to cry on, give them advice, spend time with them doing things they like, make them think I’m their friend and I have NO INTENTIONS…

Then all of a sudden I’m gonna do a fucking 180 on their ass and tell them I have strong feelings…

And then be disappointed that they love the relationship I’ve created for them just the way it is.”

Seriously.

Do you know how feeble that is? Fuckwaddery of the highest degree.

Bait and switch is such an asshat move, most states have laws against it.

Respect yourself. Be direct in your approach to get a clear “Yes” or “No,” and move the fuck on if someone says “No.”

Simple as that.

In other words, if you’re friendzoned, that’s all on you, Frodo Douchebaggins.

Because real friends are just, you know, friends, not whiners who use up a parking space in friendhood to try to figure out a better way to manipulate someone and get what they are not entitled to.