So, a few months back, I participated in a conversation about “cum on command” here (FetLife login-protected link).
This is something I and my ex-partner and I practiced early in our relationship, and I had done quite a bit of research on, and have taught to others, and given suggested reading, and so on and so on.
And let me state for the record, I LOVE IT! IT’S FUN!
So, I felt like I really had something to say about the subject.
And still do.
In fact, as I noted in another note I posted, I have recently experienced some real breakthroughs in mental/energy play that bring me again back to this. I may have to write about those at some point, when they re not so deep to me.
Now, in that thread, there is a lot of back and forth between myself and a few others, mostly one person. I won’t bore you with the details, since you can read that for yourself.
What I will do, is give you some of the highlights of what I’ve learned, where to look for more information (including actual science-y stuff), and some experiences and theories.
I’d love those of you who have done some of this to chime in with your own thoughts, as I find this an amazing area of study, and a constant fascination to me, and I have (so far) experienced this mostly from the female orgasm/male command side, although I am working on the other with mild success.
Cum on Command
Yes, I have experienced “COC” or cum on command.
Yes, it’s hot. Yes, it’s orgasm. Yes, it takes work for those who are not trained. Yes, it takes reinforcement.
Work? Reinforcement?
Yes. In other words, let’s say you have a new puppy.
WARNING: If you’re going to be offended or triggered by me equating human training, any kind of human training, with dog training, leave my writings now and never come back. I do it a lot, and I’m not going to stop.
Ok, back to the new puppy. You want to teach the puppy to sit. There are two ways to do this.
1. Wait for the puppy to site, mark and reward. The mark might be a click from a clicker, or a vocal marker, like “Yes!”
2. Make the puppy sit while giving the command, mark and reward.
Now, after some practice, you’ve taught your puppy to sit. BUT, if you don’t keep that training going, the puppy will soon learn it gets no reward, and will stop sitting.
And, you’ll also need to work on that sit in different scenarios and situations, so the puppy will sit anytime, anywhere you want, even with a big juicy steak on the ground before him or a rabbit running away.
Simple, right?
People are no different.
So, for an orgasm, you can wait until one occurs naturally, tie it to a command (marker) and reward verbally. Or, create an orgasm, tie it to a command (marker) and reward verbally and with more orgasm.
So, you now have the orgasm on command (after practice, of course). You will want to practice it in ever-different scenarios, to sink it in.
YAY!
Now, here’s where it gets kinda not-fun. If you then use that COC in situations where your partner might expect a more involved intimacy, instead of a verbal reaction, you may start to lose them. If you use it too often without reinforcing it with extra pleasure, you will start to lose them. If you use it just because you are pleased with yourself, and not for the good of your subject as well, you may start to lose them.
Make sense?
If not, ask. Moving on. smiles
How does it work?
Well, not absolutely sure about the specifics beyond behavioral conditioning, but science has shown repeatedly that orgasm is a brain thing.
Even more for women than for men, but also men can experience mental-only orgasm (think wet dreams).
Is there a name for these kinds of orgasms?
Hands-free, or ThinkOff is usually what I’ve heard them called.
For me, they are more like energy orgasms than anything, but different in some ways, too. It’s a warm butterscotch sauce filling me up and making me shudder nicely, sometimes violently.
How long or intense are these orgasms?
Well, a basic command may create an orgasm lasting a few seconds.
It can last longer, based on your training and effort, and can be extended made more intense with:
- Physical contact/energy exchange. Skin-on-skin contact, a hand pulling hair, a bite.
- Continued verbal encouragement, and additional commands.
- Surrounding distractions.
What are other uses for COC?
Use in combination with other building orgasms, it can enhance vaginal Os, clitoral Os, breast Os, etc. And also help train other areas. I have this spot on my shoulder…
It’s my belief that sexuality is not just physical, it is physiologial/mental. It is so easy for a mental pattern or hiccup to cause loss of orgasm or sexual desire that using a mental pathway (or shortcut) like coc is a good way to allow a woman to feel orgasms once more. Or use it to open up pathways that have not been explored before like breast or anal orgasms.
For me, although I have always been orgasmic, even multi, COC deepens and adds to the potential feelings during orgasm as well as during other non-sexually-charged states.
What are the upsides for the COC-ee?
It feels DAMN good, and makes grocery shopping (laundry, commuting – public transport, a boring movie, of course – nights alone) soooo much more fun!
A side effect of this kind of training, when you are complicit and aware, is that you learn more about your own orgasms, can connect more deeply to them, and can find yourself more easily triggered, causing deeper orgasms more quickly, or even orgasms from memories of hot times spent together.
It’s a very good side effect.
What are the downsides for the COC-ee?
Well, ANYTIME you give control of yourself, in any way, to another, you run a risk, even if it’s only heartache, right?
That’s why you choose the right person.
And if you’re not sure it’s the right person, then don’t do it. SSC, yes?
What are the upsides for the COC-er?
It’s deliciously powerful. There is an energy exchange when they release, shudder and quiver at your merest suggestion that you get back.
What are the downsides for the COC-er?
It’s a lot of work. And it takes patience. And your subject may fixate on you, because with this technique, you can tap into a well of sexual energy that you and they may have never felt before. And that shit is addicting.
That’s why you choose the right person.
And if you’re not sure it’s the right person, then don’t do it. SSC, yes?
What is this science of which you speak? Or, how do I learn more?
EVERYONE interested in female sexuality and physiology should read Vagina: A New Biography, by Naomi Wolf
David Shade does a lot of work with men on Hands Free and ThinkOff orgasms, through mild hypnosis, NLP and phone sex. He has a FREE CD. Here are a few direct links:
Mindgasms – The Wildest Of All Dreams
And David links to this article: Braingasm: Sex and Your Synapses, where there are even more links to related information.
FOXSexpert: What Kind of Orgasm Are You Having?
Understanding basic dog training and behavioral modification through positive reinforcement is awesome, from my view. Don’t Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training, by Karen Pryor and Excel-Erated Learning: Explaining in Plain English How Dogs Learn and How Best to Teach Them, by Pamela J. Reid
So, there you have it. It’s a start.
The original thread also had discussion on the power exchange aspect of COC and the ethics that go along with it.
Please feel free to chime in with your experiences or questions. The reason I write these things is to get feedback, new ideas to try, and learn what I can from ya’ll as well.
*smiles*
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