I prefer to feel like I’m in at 25/75, or better, with 25 being my share of effort, and 75% being a 300% return.
The kicker is, I want them to feel exactly the same. That they get more than they put in.
In fact, that’s my criteria for a successful relationship: two people who feel like they get more out of the relationship than they put in.
How can that work?
Well, it comes down to a few things, in my view.
- KNOWING what delights my partner.
- CARING enough to do that.
- REPEAT, often.
Because once you know how to surprise and delight your partner (The 5 Love Languages are a good start), it’s easy to get huge bang for your buck, and make someone feel loved, appreciated, needed and wanted.
How would you like to spend a dollar to get a dollar? Because that’s 50/50. It’s equal effort for unspectacular rewards.
It’s tit-for-tat. And that relationship style sucks:
- I do something good for you, and then I wait around until you do something good for me, in equal measure.
- Also, you do something bad to me, and I do something equally heinous back.
50/50? Each of you puts in half? Really?
- Half your effort?
- Half your love?
- Half your attention?
I’ll argue that 100/100 is a better philosophy, overall.
What about 100% of hat you have? 100% of whatever you have to offer them, when you are with them?
What about if you put in that 100%, and felt like you got 3x what you put in back, in love and appreciation and smiles and cuddles and joy and hurty/kinky things?
And what if you knew that putting in that 100%, your partner felt the same. That they got so much more from having you in their life than they gave?
How would that make you feel?
I’m guessing pretty damn good.
So I’ll take 100/100 with an ROI of 300% or more, and leave that 50/50 bullshit for the ‘nillas.