I wrote the original piece back in 2016.
It was about people not telling certain individuals stuff about their lives, because they will have to shoulder the burden of that person’s RIGHTEOUS ANGER, and they are (for whatever reason) not willing or ready, so they keep mum.
Today, I’m going to talk about another reason people don’t tell you.
Another reason you’re not safe.
When they tell you, and you blow up at them.
Hell, we’ve all done it.
And it’s a great way to make sure that someone does not tell you anything like that ever again.
Sure, some people will.
They’ll push through the crappy experience of being yelled at, cried to, accused of abuse and shaming and damnit, MEANNESS, and they’ll still tell you.
These people are fucking angels. You should cherish them in your life.
Not yell at them about them telling you a truth you didn’t want to hear.
And a corollary:
It goes DOUBLE when you ask someone for their honest thoughts, then yell at them for telling you.
It doesn’t matter if their thoughts are unfair.
It doesn’t matter if they hurt.
It doesn’t matter if you’re embarrassed.
Thank them, and sit with it, or ask questions to learn more.
I’ve made this mistake.
And I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with my misstep.
And I’ve had this done to me. Recently. And the person is putting it on full blast, because what I told them was not what they wanted to hear, even though they literally BEGGED for the feedback.
We are all humans.
And we will err.
And maybe, just maybe, if we think about this a bit, and put in the effort, we will err slightly less moving forward.
What are your thoughts?
Have you ever given someone feedback and had your head bitten off?
Ever been the head-biting monster yourself?
(I bet you can say yes to both.)
How does it feel from either side (or both)?