Dating Kinky
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Someone I know and like very much was hurt today. Hurt because they just found out something I have known for a over 10 months.

About their partner of 27 years.

They wondered why I knew, and they didn’t, why I was told and they were not.

The answer is simple.

But it’s not easy. It’s never easy.

I’m safe.

They are not.

I am safe to tell things to. Almost anything. I do my best to be open-minded and help find a solution, or to just listen, rather than react or try to take action on another’s behalf.

You see, this person I care about is a crusader. They mean well. And they are amazing and wonderful.

When you need a crusader.

When you just want to be heard, though… A crusader is a bull in a china shop, breaking friendships and stomping on history, trying to protect the one they love, when it’s really not that big of a deal.

Or, maybe it is, but their partner is not yet ready to handle it like the big deal it is, so the bull would be stomping all over them, making them feel like they are wrong for wanting to handle it their own way.You’re Not Safe

There are many ways to not be safe, and many fall under the category of reactions:

  • react with anger
  • react with guilt
  • react with anguish
  • react with derision
  • react with “fixes”

You see where I’m going with this?

And there are many ways to be a safe space:

  • respond with love
  • respond with empathy (which not everyone has)
  • respond with an open mind
  • respond with acceptance
  • respond with offers to help, however you can

Of course, one writing can’t cover every way to be safe or every way to be unsafe in a person’s eyes. Every person is different. Every situation is different.

But I challenge you to ask yourself if you are safe. Would your loved ones tell you ANYTHING?

In what ways are you not safe? Or… maybe a better question is: In what topics are you not safe, and what can you do about it?

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[…] year, I wrote a piece about communication breakdowns when partners aren’t safe. I think that’s also a good reference to read. That one is also how we can add to their […]