Pardon me while I rant a bit here.
And this is not directed at any one person, more at a situation and the created misunderstandings.
Nonmonogamy is a HUGE umbrella.
And there are a lot of ways to do nonmonogamy, and many of those are messy and overlap and some are ethical and some are most certainly not.
And the polyamory community has been pretty dang good at pushing awareness. Which to me, is a good thing.
It does have it’s drawbacks, though.
Because many people find polyamory groups online first, or they hear someone explaining polyamory (sometimes accurately, sometimes not-so-accurately), and they think, “Hey! That’s me,” because it’s the ONLY thing they have come across that is close to how they feel or what they are or how they want to live.
And so, as newbies, they post in those groups, asking questions.
And they are jumped on.
Sometimes really horrifically.
And often, it’s because they are not polyamorous. They are something else.
But that’s not really given to them as an option. Instead, they are being told they are RONG or unethical.
And they may be.
But nearly all of us have been at one point. Most of us more than one point. Plenty of us (including me) still fuck up royally pretty regularly.
And humans and love make some very complex combinations happily and satisfactorily.
For example, for the longest time, I thought I was doing polyamory wrong, because I couldn’t get “romantic” with more than one person, but I felt love—deep love.
I wasn’t doing it wrong. I was doing it right FOR ME.
However, I didn’t know that I was singularly romantic, and so the choices I offered to others were not accurate, which is my fuck up.
But polyamory communities become a sort of group-think where the dominant (loudest) voices say what’s right, and the rest are not-right, or discouraged, or whatever.
I am polyamorous.
I am also a Cuckoldress.
I believe in relationship anarchy.
I am a kinkster.
I enjoy swinging.
I am monoromantic.
I am a slut.
And I support all ethical styles of nonmonogamy, as messy and mixed up as they can be. I support people making mistakes. I support people learning as they go, and living messy, loving lives.
I also support education and letting people know they MAY want to check in with themselves and their partners (or potential partners) about they way they are thinking and planning and possibly compartmentalizing their relationships.
And I support giving people more options for their nonmonogamy and education to learn about it.
And maybe being a little kinder to people just discovering that there is a whole new way of living and loving that they were never told about.