Yesterday, on my Dating Kinky Facebook Page, a newish fan was making some conversation, and suggested that “she” could send photos of her body, so I could see her “boobies,” since she likes girls, too.
I declined, mentioning that the page is a professional account, and even if it weren’t, I had no interest in her body, as I don’t do online, and I don’t know her.
She returned with the offer to show me photos of her “ex-husband, who had a nice-sized cock.”
I responded that she was not a good match for my page or my site, if she was going to offer other peoples’ photos in chats without their permission, which is when she said, “All the photos are mine. What kind of kinky site is this if you can’t even see naked photos?”
I blocked her.
And really started thinking.
I mean, I think we all know that we shouldn’t post or share photos of people, especially in kinky positions or naked without their consent, right?
Yes. We do.
And I’m just as sure that we have all seen the discussions of:
“Ewww! Dick pics!”
“You’re on a kinky site, what do you expect?”
My answer: I expect my consent AS A VIEWER to be respected as well.
So, how does one do this? Because right now, the assumption is based on the idea that if you are on a kinky/adult site, you are agreeing to see other peoples’ goody bits, no matter how attractively or unattractively displayed, whenever and however they wish to show them to you—as an avatar, in your feed, whatever.
And I don’t agree with that.
I mean, I’m actually not offended by dick pics. I don’t care one way or another. If it’s not my cock, it’s just another thing to me. I feel the same way about boobs and va-jay-jays.
There are some that do find it offensive to suddenly find themselves talking to a boner or a gaping asshole.
Are they somehow less kinky?
Does their consent somehow matter less?
I don’t think so.
So, for Dating Kinky, I have chosen a different take in my new version.
Here’s how it works:
- Member A uploads a photo, consenting for others to see it, marking it as public or for friends.
- Photo is moderated through technology and an actual human moderator: If it is explicit, it is marked as such, and is therefore not available to use as an avatar.
- Member B visits Member A’s profile, and clicks to view photos that the privacy settings allows them to see. Explicit photos are marked with a symbol and hidden.
- Member B clicks on an explicit photo, and is presented with a dialog: “This is an explicit photo. Do you wish to view it?”
- The answer options are: “Yes,” “No,” “Show any explicit photos from Member A,” and “Show all explicit photos.”
So, Member A consents by uploading the photo and setting their privacy levels.
Member B consents based on the photo, the person, or the entire site.
Just like in real life. If Person A wants to show me their penis, they ask if I’d like to see it. I can say “Yes, this time,” “Yes,” “No,” or whatever.
We both have control over our experiences.
Why would online be any different?
- Members A and B are messaging back and forth, or chatting.
- Member B sends an attachment.
- Member A clicks, and is presented with a dialog: “Member B has sent a JPG attachment. Are you expecting this?”
- The answer options are: “Yes,” “No Way!” and “I approve all attachments from Member B.”
Again, giving BOTH people control over their personal experience, without infringing on the other’s rights or comfort level.
This is one of the things we are working on right now.
So, what, if anything might I be missing in this? What are your thoughts on consent to see images online, especially in a kinky site?