Is kink bad or wrong?
My gut reaction is no.
Kink just is.
Humans are amazing, wondrous beings that have so many complexities that not a single one of us is perfectly average in all ways.
And in some of us, we look for a bit more from our love and sex lives the way others look for a bit more from their physical lives, like those who practice extreme sports.
Sure, I think people who highline are more than a little insane, and many would probably think the same if they knew what I get up to, but from my end, it’s all cool.
If people enjoy what they do, and they are adults doing whatever with other consenting adults, more power to them.
But most people don’t morally judge extreme sports, probably because there’s rarely a sexual component to them, and that’s a kicker in a lot of kinks.
So, that’s going to be a personal hurdle. If you think sex overall is bad or wrong, your sexual kinks might feel that way as well.
But there’s more to kink than you might think.
In 2013, the International Society for Sexual Medicine published a study titled Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners.
The goal was to compare scores of BDSM practitioners and a control group (vanilla people) on various fundamental psychological characteristics, such as conscientiousness, neuroses, openness to new experiences, and overall subjective well-being.
They also looked at how sensitive people were to rejection and their attachment style in relationships.
Researchers not only discovered the kinksters weren’t psychologically damaged but were on average more well adjusted than their vanilla counterparts.
As they said, “We conclude that BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.”
And they added, “The study subjects in the BDSM group felt more secure in their relationships and had an increased sense of well-being. They were more conscientious toward others, more extroverted, and more open to trying new experiences. They also had decreased anxiety and were less sensitive to others’ perception.”
Other studies you might find interesting, if you like to dig into the science of things:
Sadomasochism Without Sex: A Research Study On The Dance of Souls And A Search For The Essence Of SM
Hormonal changes and couple bonding in consensual sadomasochistic activity.
Of course, it’s an intensely personal call. I’d say that you should take into account your personal beliefs, thoughts, and experiences to make a decision.
The community says:
Just like many things deemed bad or wrong, it’s a matter of perception, belief, and judgment. I do not believe it is bad or wrong but someone else may. What is the absolute truth, no one knows. Nearly everything we “know” is based on perception.
— Kruela DeChill, 34F, krueladechill.com
I think if I were asked I would tell someone that it is a matter of personal preference, and therefore should not be judged by an outside 3rd party. I would probably try and explain to them that kink is another form of intimacy that can occur between two consenting adults.
— Inked_Edges, 44F Primal
I describe kink to vanilla people as the most honest representation of a person’s truth. I say at events you see people being more open and truthful than anywhere else.
— sephiroth87, 32M Sadist
I would say it depends on the person. To me, it isn’t morally wrong to engage in kink as long as it’s done between two consenting adult human beings. To someone else, it could be morally wrong due to a difference in upbringing, values, desires, etc. The best you can hope for is mutual respect and to move on from it.
— Trouble, 29NB Bottom
It depends on your personal code of ethics or morality. My grandfather was a Southern Baptist minister – dancing was immoral. So, chips dips chains whips? Yeah. I however think that kink can be bad or wrong – if its used as an excuse to abuse, or cheat, or generally behave like an asshat – 50 Shades of Abusive Boyfriend. But it is not inherently bad or wrong.
— Sword_of_Light Male 50 Top
Although society deems it so…it is an alternative lifestyle, that when practiced with integrity, is freeing, cathartic, loving and deeply intimate. It’s not right for everyone, but it is right for me.
— CuriousCuntmuffn, 52F, I identify as a Switch with emphasis on sub, Polyamorous, Little/Middle, Spankee, Hedonist
