Does having kinky desires mean something is wrong with me?

No.

It also doesn’t mean something isn’t wrong with you.

It’s like most other things.

It simply is.

What you do with it, that’s what matters.

For example, let’s say you love knives. You collect them. You learn how to fight with them, sharpen them, care for them.

Does that mean something is wrong with you, or that you will murder someone with a knife?

No more than it means you won’t.

And, as I’ve already pointed out in Why do kink?, there are many things that point to kink being a healthy outlet.

But, it’s also not a cure. Many people use kink to cover up or get away with reprehensible behavior. There is something wrong with them, whether they are kinky or just using the kinky lifestyle to get their way.

The community says:

No. What could be an issue is the way in which one expresses such desires.

— Kruela DeChill, 34F, krueladechill.com

I often think there must be something wrong with me. Almost like a guilt thing. But I also don’t like to think of myself in terms of kink. Just in terms of trying to come to terms with that I seem to be to me anyway, to be different. I think that can be hard at times, certainly in my own experience.

—Robertsrv

Ok, my answer is hell no.

Not having kinks shows a lack of imagination and curiosity.

Some of my kinks formed from “I wonder what happens if…?” and “I wonder if it’s possible to…?” thoughts.

—VelvetClaw, 46F, Domme

This is really interesting, because there is a web comic today that addresses kinks and fantasies and how they are okay: http://egscomics.com/comic/party-070

I really like the way that it was described: think about something mundane without accepting that it is commonplace. Like, who looked at a cow and went “I’m gonna pull on those udders and drink what comes out!”

— Doctor Bubbles

Kinky desires aren’t wrong. Acting on them can be right or wrong, depending on lots of circumstances.

— Guilty

I would be more concerned NOT having any kinky desires – kink is subjective to the individual and varies tremendously from one person to another. Its a bit like asking does breathing mean something is wrong with someone IMHO.

—Blackeknight, 61M, Dom

With Sadism and Masochism the actual DSM criteria requires that the person have upsetting/guilty feelings about their desires and or violate other people in attempting to perform these desires to be ‘diagnosable’ so for a lot of us, even though we practice BDSM we do not meet the criteria (DSM wise) to be SadoMasochists.

—Mira O’Hart, 41F, Sadomasochist, BDSM Romance Author

As long as your kinks are safe, sane and consensual, then the answer is a resounding NO. Of course not. And the reason someone may feel like something is “wrong” is due to social conditioning. All people have desires that are not “promoted, shared or discussed” beyond the vanilla curtain behind which most of society communicates in the open public. However, most people have those inner thoughts, feelings, desires or curiosities at some point in their life. The difference is in how people react to those inner urges. Repression or expression, denial or acceptance, guilt or joy… etc… Some people run the gamete of all the emotions before deciding their preference and sadly some live in guilt and repression. All that to say, the best answer to the question is quite the contrary… Having Kinky desires means something is very right with me. Thats my 2cents. Stay Kinky my friends.

—Sub4D, married to Mstrs_D, submissive, pet of Mstrs_D, collared

I don’t think of myself as “kinky” More like a passion that needs or desires to come out, yet society does factor in with feeling like I’m in the wrong. Good luck battling this feeling.

—”Flatlined”/Mickie Jasmin, 52F, Dominate