In the getting-to-know-you stages of connecting with someone, I often say:
“Tell me something fascinating about yourself.”
9 out of 10 times, people are at a loss.
We’re just not socialized to talk about ourselves that way.
Especially not in written text on a screen, put down for posterity as THE THING I THINK IS FASCINATING ABOUT ME.
“Fascinating? Oh, ummm, I’m not sure. I’m not that interesting, I guess.”
Which is exactly the challenge of dating online.
In person, we have so many things going for us. Body language. Chemistry. Expressions. Tone of voice.
In text or photos online, not so much.
Also, in person, our actions are perceived as less permanent. We can experiment more with our delivery, gauge our audience, and even change the path of a story based on feedback. We can smile when others smile or look pensive with them.
Online, we are flinging words and snapshots of our life into the void.
MAYBE something will come back to us.
MAYBE they will also think that is fascinating.
But we don’t know.
And it’s harder.
On one of my writings, someone said:
“I stroll through dating apps every so often but nothing seems to ever be interesting.”
This is partly why, I’m guessing.
Here’s the thing: How interesting are YOU on dating apps?
Overall, people have a hard time being interesting-on-demand.
I mean, I’m pretty damn good at it, but I’ve put in literally thousands of hours of research and practice. And even I fall short.
And online is NOT our natural medium.
People who have met me have said, “You are so much warmer and more interesting in person. I mean, you write well, and all, but it’s not the same.”
I try to take all this into account when I connect with people online.
And when I teach people about dating and connecting successfully online and off.
What are your thoughts?
Do you ever feel the pressure of being “interesting-on-demand?” What do you do to make it easier for yourself?
Do you give others some leeway to grow into their connection with you, or cut them off when they don’t keep your interest high?