If you want to change, just do it.

Don’t say you’ll change. I probably won’t believe you.

Oh, sure I’ll believe that you mean it, now. But I won’t believe it’s going to happen.

Why would I? We all know how that one works out.

So, just change.

Do it.

Don’t say it. Show it.

Don’t put me in the position of watching carefully to see if you change or not. If you change enough. If you change at the pace I hope for and expect.

Don’t put the pressure on me to notice every small change and reinforce it.

Don’t make me wonder if you lied to me, if you really care when you don’t change in a way I can really see it.

Don’t put that kind of pressure on me to nag you, or to say something.

Don’t make me wonder if you would change at all if I were not watching.

Don’t put that kind of pressure on our relationship.

It’s fucked up.

Pull up your big-person panties and just change. Do it for you. Because you want to.

Show me.

But don’t just tell me, and ask me to watch.

The small goodwill you get at that moment is far outweighed by the frustration and annoyance you’ll inspire over the course of the change (or lack thereof).

The Exception:

A power-exchange relationship, where the person can actually help to affect the change in an agreed-upon way.