Worry is paralyzing. It gets in the way. It prevents us from being in-the-moment and really living our lives.

Because worrying is really letting the fear of the possibility of something weigh you down, usually more than the thing itself would affect you.

And that’s not worth it. Not at all.

What is worth it?

• Caring about a friend going through a tough time.
• Letting yourself feel the sorrow of something amazing going bad.
• Allowing yourself to be angry when things go wrong.
• Truly living your emotions when shit rains down upon your head.

And one more thing: being prepared.

Especially in kink.

Yes, you do want ot think through what can go wrong. And you want to do everything in your power to prepare against it.

• Fire is always dangerous. Have a bucket of water, a wet towel, and a fire extinguisher nearby.
• Rope play can be touchy. Make sure that you and your partner have reviewed the places where things can go bad in your planned tying.
• Humiliation scenes can turn all-to-real. Talk about your safe word and what that communication might look like if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

And so on.

Allow your worry to tell you to prepare. Then, prepare.

But then, once you’ve done that, stop.

Don’t worry.

Because worry doesn’t actually make anything better. In fact, it makes things MUCH worse. Because even if the thing does happen, you’ve used up a ton of emotional energy just worrying about it, so you don’t have as much to deal with it.

Worry, as an emotion is like the warning lights in your car. It can be useful to point out the things that need attention.

And sometimes it can flash uselessly, causing stress for no reason.

So, how do you stop worrying?

Well, are you worried that you’re not prepared enough? Take action! Plan! Write it out. Research. Talk with someone.

Worried that someone is not doing well? Reach out. Call your friend send a card (yes, a real one on paper through snail mail!).

Worried that something shitty just happened? Give yourself permission to feel awful, and just as importantly, give yourself permission to move on.

When you feel yourself worrying, double-check that you’ve done what you can, then move on to something else.

What are you worried about? And how can you turn that into action?