I suggest this:
“Little white lies” are anything but, every lie is a damned lie, and every lie creates a violation of consent.
Here is my reasoning:
Let’s take a very small thing, not the obvious lie of cheating or something like that.
“Do these jeans make my ass look fat?”
You answer “They look awesome on you,” even though they are not flattering to them at all.
They beam and buy the jeans.
Then, they wear them. A LOT. And you don’t find them flattering. In fact, they are a bit of a turn-off, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
So, here’s how i see this affecting you and your relationship:
1. EVERY time they wear those jeans, you are consciously or otherwise reminded of that fib.
2. You are not as attracted to them in those jeans, and your actions adjust accordingly, pushing your affections further apart.
3. If they found out that you hated the jeans, after they thought you loved them for so long, they would be embarrassed and devastated, even feel betrayed.
4. Consent is “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.” By lying, you remove your partner’s ability to consent to what is actually happening, and you allow them only to consent based on the lies you’ve given them. (In the case of something more serious, like lying about who you might have had unprotected sex with, the example becomes more clear.)
I’m sure there are other effects as well, but I wanted to give an easy example.
Every lie changes the path of your relationship inalterably. Even an apology or “fix” only puts you back on course, it does not erase the error.
ALL OF THEM.
No matter how small you think they are.
This is my hypothesis.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any situations in which you believe a lie within a relationship causes good?