In December 2021, Nookie presented the topic “I LOVE ME! Learning ways to gain confidence, to love yourself more, and to feel at home and comfy in your own skin” for Dating Kinky’s 12 Days of Kinkmas. The original presentation was free to all who joined us live, and was recorded for Dating Kinky’s PLUS members to access through the Dating Kinky Library (over 400 videos and 550 hours of content!).
Here is a clip from that hour-long show, where Nookie talks about building the right relationships.
Three. Build positive relationships and the counterpoint—avoid negative ones.
So I was just on a Discord chat, a local Discord chat.
And this girl was like, “Oh my God, this guy lied to me. And I had an inkling yesterday, and I ended up sleeping with him last night, and then I found out for sure today and I feel dumb and I feel used.”
And I wrote back, I said, “You’re not dumb,” I said, “You’re brilliant.”
I said, “You wanted to sleep with that guy, and so you chose not to go digging until today so that you could have the sex that you wanted and then find out the truth. I think that’s brilliant. That’s fucking awesome. Don’t put yourself down for getting what you wanted out of it.”
And she was like, “Oh, yeah, and it was great sex.”
Like, there you go: you knew what you wanted. You prioritized having the sex over that lie. Now, moving forward, you can decide to determine whether or not that lie matters to you in having sex with that person right now. You have all the facts.”
All of us at some point in our lives, find ourselves hanging out with somebody who makes us feel…not so good, right?
Or anybody—and this is, this is going to be another show of hands thing. So either emoji me, type in the chat, or heart.
You ever been like you meet somebody and you start texting back and forth, right?
And things are going well.
And then after a while, you start to…mmm…not write back as quickly, maybe letting it wait, letting it stew, you realize after a while that you’re avoiding them?
You don’t want to talk with them.
Something has become it’s like a chore instead of fun.
That’s when I usually write to them and say, “You know what? I really appreciate all the chats we’ve had. I don’t think that this is going to go where we want it to go, and I wish you the best.”
Avoid the negative ones.
People that make me feel like I don’t even want to look at their text messages to me.
That said there are some people in my life that when they send me a text message, I am on it.
I want to know right away.
I want to be there.
I want to be engaged.
Avoid people who make you feel bad about yourself, spend more time with people who make you feel good about yourself.
Because the people around you affect how you feel.
Especially if you like them.
What are your thoughts?
Do you find that the energy people brings to your life can affect you?
How do you feel after you’ve spent time with someone where you can’t wait to get away? Versus spending time with people and it just flies by, and you feel filled up?
Do you make a concerted effort to remove those that suck your energy, or to reduce their effect on your life? Do you seek out more people who make you feel good and fill you up?