I cringe every time I hear it, and I’d like to state once and for all:
Love does not hurt!
Fears and insecurities hurt. Love itself is just not capable of hurting. Love is the one thing (in my opinion) that has no power to hurt at all.
It is not the love we feel that hurts, but the selfishness of wanting that love returned. We choose the pain of pining because we can control it (after all, we know would could just stop pining), versus the pain of being rejected which is much harder to control (and rejected is rejected).
Breaking up hurts because we couldn’t make it work, regardless of our love of the other person. We will no longer have the pleasure of their company. We may have to admit that our fears and insecurities are correct, that we are not perfect. They may prefer another to us. THAT is the pain. Not the love.
When we lose a loved one (a family member or a spouse/lover), we grieve for ourselves, for our loss. Loving them did not cause the hurt. Losing them did.
Every time we take a pain and label it love, we twist the meaning of love a little further from the truth in our own mind. Every time we call pain love in the hearing of others, we twist the meaning for them as well.
As my ex’s favorite quote says:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
See? No pain there. Love is selfless. We add pain into our relationships, refuse to acknowledge it for what it is, and label it love. It’s easier than taking responsibility for it.
Anything that hurts is not love. Anything that is love does not hurt.
When you feel love in your heart and you feel pain, stop and ask yourself what is really going on.