Someone once said to me in a reply to one of my writings about honesty:
“I prefer nice people.”
I prefer genuine people. Although they are not always nice, when they are, you know it’s real.
You FEEL it.
Because they are often not nice. Not that they are mean, precisely. More that they don’t fake it, and if someone upsets them or offends them, they say so.
I guess some people think that if you don’t laugh when they make a joke and tell them it’s not funny, that’s mean. Or if someone tells them that their words are offensive, that is also mean.
I don’t agree.
There are ways to say those things that are mean. There are also ways to say those things that are just factual and provide information. There are even ways to say them compassionately—even lovingly.
But compassionately or not, I’ll always prefer someone I can count on to be genuine, and ultimately honest than someone who will pretend to feelings or thoughts for the sake of being “nice.”
And some don’t use the term “nice.” They say “polite.” Or “civil.”
And to me, those are similar words for the same thing: Being less genuine in favor of keeping up whatever appearances OTHER PEOPLE might expect from them.
And hiding their nasty mean bits.
Or those who use their niceness as a tool to manipulate others, to get what they want.
And I don’t truck with that.
And yet, I do respond better to people who are compassionate and considerate, even when disagreeing or correcting my mistakes. Of course I do. I’m human.
However, I respond more positively to those who speak their mind in more socially negative ways than I do to people who I know are going to be nice no matter what, or those who I’ve found will say one thing and think another.
What about you?
Do you prefer nice and polite and civil? People who don’t make waves, don’t rockeries the boat?
Or do you go for those who have no problem speaking their mind, even when it’s not so “nice?”