But! But! You’re Not Helping Me!

But! But! You’re Not Helping Me!

He said:

We met about two years ago. You’ve never desired me “now.”
Which is life 🙂
Just makes me sad

I replied:

You’ve not put in the engagement to inspire that.

He said:

I want to – just in ANY way where it’s not a social public kinkster setting

I replied:

I told you from the beginning that that’s how I work.

He said:

That’s half the reason most humans who have kinks are still in the closet
It’s sad really

I replied:

Well, then you (and they) have to deal with the consequences of your choices.

He said:

Haha – with more understanding people?
It’s like telling someone who’s struggling to not see a counselor. To first go to a public meeting and talk to people you don’t know or aren’t necessarily qualified

I replied:

You are complaining that people like me aren’t changing our preferences to suit you, just because you think that it’s difficult.
I’m not telling you not to do this in private.
I’m saying you doing it in private your way is not my problem.

He said:

Yep. Understood.
You gave me the impression you were trying to help those who wanted to learn the lifestyle
Sounds like you’ve elevated yourself

I replied:

I do help.
I don’t change myself to help.
I will answer questions, and I have always been here for you.
So, I think this conversation is over now.
Maybe you can reach out some other time, if you’d like, once you are done with blaming me for your failure to find your kinky playmates.

This is not unusual.

I’m happy to help. Anyone. Especially a charming, sweet guy like this that I’ve actually met locally and invited to numerous events from super-kinky to just hanging out with people.

He’s turned them all down in favor of wanting one-on-one.

And that is his right.

And the right of everyone who wants kink—to get the kink they want AND protect their lifestyle.

The fact of the matter is, the more restrictions you put on how a person can help you, the less helpful they can be. And the less you get out where kinky people are likely to be, the fewer kinky people you are likely to meet.

Is it impossible to keep all your kink in private?


However, if you come to me, and I tell you I’m all about the community, don’t think you’re going to:

  1. Lure me into your bedroom with a message once every few months telling me how you want me.
  2. Convince me to recommend you to other women like myself, when you’ve not bothered putting in any effort to show me who you really are.
  3. Guilt me by telling me I’m not being helpful, because I won’t do things YOUR way.

I’m helpful in the ways that feel good to me, and that are comfortable. And I offer that help to anyone who asks.

You want more, you earn it, or find someone else.

Don’t whine that I (or anyone else for that matter) am not being helpful enough.

More Posts

Paying attention and intention.

In December of 2021, I presented the topic ‘That Feels Good! Sensual Touch’ for Dating Kinky’s 12 Days of Kinkmas. The original presentation was free

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